


Loki's Binding

by Drachenkinder



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies)
Genre: A vague nod in the direction of mythology and a blatant disregard for canon, AU, Asexual Loki (somewhere on the spectrum), M/M, Sibling Incest, Sorry for tagging that late, Thorki - Freeform, it was a surprise to me too.
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-09
Updated: 2021-02-26
Packaged: 2021-03-07 18:21:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 43,067
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26912053
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Drachenkinder/pseuds/Drachenkinder
Summary: After the attempted invasion of New York, Thor does not return Loki to Asgard's Justice. He has a justice of his own to administer.
Relationships: Loki/Thor (Marvel)
Comments: 196
Kudos: 249





	1. Into the underworld

When the tesseract flared in its containment field, Loki fully expected to arrive inside the palace, if not in the dungeon itself. Instead they were in a cave, the floor sloping downward, the ceiling disappearing into darkness beyond the glow of the tesseract. The walls were patterned with curtains of stone, and pillars, stalagmites and stalactites broke up the vast space into rows of colonnades. It reminded him of the Throne room of Asgard but age hung heavier here. This cavern was ancient before the first Aesir raised his eyes from his fire to gaze up at the star scarred branches of Yggdrasill. 

He breathed in air thick with the scent of wet stone and tilted his head in question at his brother. To his surprise Thor reached out his hand and removed the muzzle.

Loki shrugged his shoulders, rotated his neck and said. “I didn’t think even you could get lost on a direct route home.”

Thor shot him an irritated glance. “This isn’t Asgard.”

“Do tell. I see you aren’t completely unobservant. To what do I owe this side trip into such a charming hole in the ground? Did you perchance turn the controller left instead of right?”

Thor didn’t answer. He took Loki’s arm in a hard grasp and guided him upslope between the stone formations. 

Loki left off needling Thor, seeing he was not going to rise to the bait and looked closer at their surroundings. They were following a path of boot prints, or as he examined them, one pair of boot prints laid over each other, coming and going through the soft dust. As Loki looked back over his shoulder he concluded it was Thor’s boot prints they were following. 

“You’ve been here before.” Loki accused.

“I see you aren’t completely unobservant.” Thor chuckled.

Yet even as Loki gazed behind them the dust swirled and settled, obliterating all traces of their passing. He frowned, but refrained from commenting. The smell of wet stone increased and he could hear the soft muttering of a stream. The cavern narrowed, the roof lowered and ahead Loki could see the rippling gleam of water reflecting the tesseract’s blue light. 

They stopped at the bank of the narrow stream and Thor released his hold. Loki noticed the channel through which the water ran was newly cut, the edges sharp and rubble littering the cave floor. It branched off from a wider brook which disappeared under the cavern wall. Downstream he could just make out where it joined another or possibly the original waterway. There were runes cut into the pillars and wall across from where they stood. Runes of protection, and concealment and silence and darkness. The boot prints too continued on the other side of the stream and ended in a dark crack less than three feet high. 

Loki had a very bad feeling about this and he turned to Thor, only to see his brother activate the containment unit.

“NO!” Loki shouted as the tesseract flared and then total darkness descended. 

“Thor?” Loki’s voice rose sharply.

He jumped at the unexpected grip on his arm. “I’m here brother.” Thor said.

Loki’s knees almost buckled at the wave of relief that he hadn’t been left alone in the oppressing dark. 

“One large step to clear the stream and then you will need to go down on your hands and knees.”

“Is there a reason you don’t strike a light or did you simply forget that without the tesseract we wouldn’t be able to see?”

“Get moving.”

When Loki still hesitated Thor said. “Hurry up. I don’t wish to be here any longer than is necessary.”

“Then perhaps you shouldn’t have sent away our only means of escape.”

Thor dragged him forward until Loki felt for the edge of the cut under his boot toes and then he was half lifted half propelled over the rivet. Another pace and his elbow brushed the rough cavern wall. Loki's voice was harsh with repressed fear. 

“So Odin will dispense with even the semblance of a trial and bury me under the earth to be forgotten. Or does anyone else on Asgard even know I’m still alive?”

“This isn’t Odin’s doing.”

“I’m surprised Thor. I hardly expected such cruelty from you. Have you been taking lesson from your human friends? They have such inventive imaginations.” The mockery sounded shrill and hollow in the smothering uncaring dark. 

“I still have the muzzle.” Thor said and placing his hand on Loki’s head, forced him to his knees. His hand stayed there for a moment as Loki was shoved forward into the crack, his shoulders scraping the sides. 

“You’ll have to crawl for about ten paces.”

Loki tensed and tried to squirm backwards as panic set in, but Thor was blocking his exit. His hand closed on Loki’s ankle and his voice was softer. “It’s alright Loki. If I can fit through you can.” When Loki didn’t budge Thor growled. “I don’t wish to knock you out with Mjölnir and drag you through, however I shall if I don’t get moving.”

Loki forced down his terror and mustered up the last shreds of his pride. If his fate was to be chained underground for the rest of his life he’d try to meet it with some dignity. “Let me spare you that job.” Loki spat. “I’d hate to have you exert yourself further on my behalf.” He crawled toward whatever prison Thor had arranged. 

The tunnel seemed longer than ten paces and his battered limbs threatened to cramp at each movement. Twice he scraped his head against the low roof and once he had to lay on his belly and wiggle through, fighting down the fear that Thor was going to force him into a gap so small he wouldn’t be able to get through and leave him to rot in a grave of stone. But after that narrow spot the passage quickly widened and in a few feet Loki could tell he was inside a larger area. He cautiously rose to his feet and took a step forward, relieved when he didn't immediately hit anything. He could hear Thor grunting as he too squeezed through the narrow neck of the tunnel. 

He considered kicking Thor in the head in an effort to knock him out so that Loki could escape. Loki dismissed the idea. He was so sore and weak from the Hulk beating him into the floor of Stark Tower he could barely walk. Plus, without the tesseract he had no way to get out. He didn’t know if there was a passible exit to the surface or if Thor held the key to the cuffs presently cutting off his magic. And if he did manage to escape? There was the warning that hung over his head. “No barren moon…” and so on. An almost pathetically dramatic threat, but true nonetheless. 

Loki turned and stepped backwards to give Thor room and the back of his knees hit an edge that sent him plopping down on his rump. His landing was soft and his back hit a padded surface as well. He heard Thor stand up, and there was the flash of a lighter and the smell of burning herbs. A softly glowing brazier swung back and forth barely illuminating the tunnel's mouth. Thor growled a low series of arcane words, whose meaning even Loki didn't know. There was an answering crack of breaking stone and then the rumble of falling rock. A dust filled gust hit his face and the silence deepened as the voice of the stream was cut off. Loki’s heart thudded in his chest. They were trapped! 

The brazier hit the floor with a thump and rattle of chains and he heard Thor’s footsteps moving away from him. He tried to rise to his feet to follow, but his body refused to answer the call of his frantic mind. 

“Thor!” he squeaked through a throat cinched tight.

Loki heard another thump, a curse and then light flooded the space. Thor was standing beside a glowing sconce, leaning on the wall with one hand and rubbing his shin with the other. A small iron chest lay on its side. Loki recognized it as one from his bedroom. In fact all the furniture that filled the smaller cavern had come from his rooms in Asgard. The loveseat he sat on, the book shelf angled into a hollow in the wall, the spindle legged chair, even his bed, though it was missing its canopy until Loki looked up and saw the familiar star patterned weaving was suspended from the cavern’s roof by ropes and pitons driven into the stone. He was trying to puzzle out what it all meant when Thor grasped his chin, tilted his head up and gazed down at him.

“I see your eyes have returned to their normal green, so I’ll assume you are no longer under the influence of that scepter. If you give me your word you won’t try and stab me, I’ll take off those cuffs and we can work on finding a way out of your dilemma.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And we're off


	2. Salmon in the net

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thor learns more then he really wished to know.

Loki looked at Thor in disbelief. Did he mean his words, or were they simply another way to manipulate him into knuckling under? Loki decided to disregard their message and fastened onto the least important element. 

“My eyes are not green. They are aquamarine. Light emerald with a touch of sapphire and a hint of silver.” Loki corrected. “Certainly not green.”

“Nor tesseract blue either.” Thor said shortly. “Well? Can you keep your knives to yourself?”

“Since I haven’t yet stabbed you with a _knife_ , I fail to see why you are making such a demand.”

“Did you forget the fight on the Tower? You most certainly did stab me.”

Loki looked away. He hadn’t forgotten, though it all seemed like a vivid nightmare to him now. The weariness that he’d been suppressing welled up and his voice lacked its usual edge when he replied. “A letter opener, Thor. It was only a letter opener. The one we all received as gifts from that fluttering Ljósálfar diplomat. You broke yours prying apart a crushed pauldron if I recall.” He sighed. “I give you my word I shan’t stab you unless it becomes warranted.”

Thor gave him a doubtful look but placed his broad hands over the manacles and at his touch they clicked open and fell off. Thor clipped them on his belt. Loki rubbed his wrists and looked askance at Thor. There was no upwelling of his power, only the merest trickle. 

“We’re shielded here.” Thor said reading his look. “From all forms of searching, magical included. Not even Heimdall can spy us out, nor father view us from his seat on Hlidskjalf.”

“He’s not my father!” Loki snarled. Then the fight went out of him and he leaned back against the cushions. “I’m impressed you managed to bring so many of my possessions here. It wasn’t necessary to gild the cage. I assure you I don’t appreciate it.” Which was a lie. The very smell of the familiar cushions was comforting. Loki shut his eyes. “Wherever here is.” He added.

Thor sighed. “I won’t tell you where we are, Loki. Not as long as I’m unsure that you are fully free from outside influence.”

Loki snorted. “I know you didn’t do all this on your own. And you had no time to slip away during your momentary jaunt to stuff your face before bringing me here. Where I might add, I did not appreciate being hung on the wall like a discarded cloak while you and your mortals had the poorest victory celebration in the history of the nine realms.’

Thor laughed. “It was a hard battle and we were hungry. I did offer you some.”

“As if I would eat that disgusting trash. Everything on that planet is contaminated with hydrocarbons and heavy metals.”

“I found it quite good.”

Loki made a dismissive sound. “Since this place is warded even from Odin’s gaze then I assume mother must have persuaded you here.”

“She did. She refused to believe in your death. Father said she was in denial but,” Thor swallowed and cleared his throat. “I thought there was little harm in going along with her wishes as it seemed to give her some comfort.”

“And as she believed her patricidal cuckoo was still alive, she decided to build a better prison then Asgard’s dungeons. How very thoughtful of her. And how very loving of you to accede to her plan. After all if she was right you would need a place to stash me out of sight. No sense in dragging me back from my grave only to blacken the family name.”

“Stop twisting everything I say!” Thor growled, dropping down beside him. “Do you not know how relieved I was to see you still alive?”

“So it was relief that caused you to rip me from that plane and throw me into the side of a mountain? I recall you were more interested in the whereabouts of the tesseract then in me. What have you done with it? Not, I hope, dropped it back on earth for the mortals to play with.”

“It’s in Odin’s vault, where it will be safe. I didn’t want father to think I’d betrayed all his orders.”

“So what’s your plan? Re-indoctrinate me in the lies I was fed my whole life in the hope I’ll come fawning back to Asgard and beg Odin to make me his witless tool again? It’s doomed to failure brother. Better to take Mjölnir and crack my skull now.”

Loki ran his hands through his hair, opened his eyes and looked wearily at Thor. “Quite frankly it would be a mercy.”

“No Loki!” Thor cried and the big hands grabbed him by the back of his neck and his shoulder and pulled him into a rough embrace. Loki didn’t have the strength to resist the unwanted touch. 

His head was cradled on Thor’s shoulder and he could feel Thor shaking, hear his harsh sobs. Loki shut his eyes again. He was so tired of fighting, of resisting, of trying to keep even the smallest pieces of himself to himself. 

“Sentiment.” he whispered. It sounded more plea then derision. 

*

Thor rocked as he held his brother, stroking his back and kissing the top of his head. The grief he’d kept bottled since Loki first fell from the bifrost racked him and his tears fell onto his brother’s dusty, greasy black hair. 

“Loki, brother, brother.” He wept. 

Loki nether struggled to get free or returned the embrace, and after that one word was silent. Too silent, too unresisting Thor realized when the worst of his anguish subsided. He held Loki away from him and his brother’s head lolled, his mouth was slack and he would have slumped to the floor had Thor not supported him. Thor heart stopped for one terrible second, until he heard Loki’s soft exhale. Loki wasn’t dead only passed out. And no wonder after all he’d endured this day.

Thor lay Loki down on the loveseat and contemplated how to remove his filthy armor. That he hadn’t bothered to do more than cloak the dirt and damage to his apparel in the illusion of a suit should have been a clue to his brother’s state of mind. Loki was fastidious by nature. Now he was so grubby he stank. Thor had no desire to endure the foul odor any longer. It was becoming unbearable in these close quarters.

Thor knelt beside him and removed the gauntlets. He had to break one of the straps to get them off. The buckles were clogged with grime and partly rusted shut. Underneath the cloth was stuck to Loki’s skin with dried sweat and old blood. The sleeveless coat came next and all the straps that crisscrossed it and wove into the outer tunic. Thor pulled off Loki’s boots and gasped at the stench. Like his sleeves the socks were plastered to his skin, that is where holes hadn’t worn through and the exposed skin was almost black with soil. The outer tunic was a puzzle until Thor found the fastenings hidden under the layers of folded leather. He removed the heavy tunic and then the leather pants leaving Loki clothed only in his under shirt, long underpants and socks. 

Thor frowned. Loki looked way too thin. The armor had disguised his gauntness but the lighter clothing revealed how much weight he’d lost. After a couple of tugs that caused his brother to groan and weakly bat as his hands, Thor decided it would be better to let Loki soak off the filthy garments. He walked across the room ducked behind a hanging cloth and activated the small boiler that sat beside a deep basin. It had started as a natural depression but Thor had raised the lip with rock from cutting the trench in front of the closed tunnel. He also drilled the rune marked hole through three feet of cavern wall and sunk the pipe which tapped into the surrounding stream. Another channel was cut downslope that led to natural water bored hole into a lower cavern. This small opening was also circled with runes and capped with a second plug worked in elaborate designs. Thor had taken no chance that any trace of them would survive outside their protected retreat. Even the various cracks that allowed fresh air to circulate were warded by the rune cut pillars. There was only one way in or out of their refuge and Thor alone held the key. 

He set the dam into the drainage channel, opened the valve that sent water from the pipe to the boiler and then to the tub. While the tub filled Thor returned to the main room and stripped out of his own armor and boots. He’d need a bath after bathing his brother. Hopefully Loki would wake up before Thor got too far and could continue the task himself.

Thor had no such luck. It took two full baths before the underclothes loosened enough for him it peal it from Loki’s hide. He resorted to cutting it free once he realized the clothes were unsalvageable. It was another bath before the grime on his brother’s skin and hair began to give way to the assault of soap and brush and cloth. Handfuls of hair floated toward the drain only to be disintegrated with a series of pops and snaps as they passed into the rune circle. 

The forth tub of water was no longer black with dirt, but as the filth diminished a horrible legacy was revealed. The dark mark on Loki’s forehead was not from the sweat stained leather padding of his helmet. It was a burn. The cuts and bruises of his recent battle were overlaid on a network of scars that covered him from throat to fingertips to the very soles of his feet. Thin pale scars that told of a blade and wide jagged scars where broken bone had torn out through his skin and the raised red welts of fire or acid. These last were now revealed on the most sensitive parts of his body. Tiny splashed dots around his eyes and on his eyelids, lines on his lips and down his chin as if he’d spit it from his mouth. Concentric burns on the palms of his hands and his nipples. Evenly spaced, almost decorative welts that marred his genitals. Some of the wounds were so recent they leaked clear fluid or worse were swollen and seeping corruption.

Thor twisted away from the sight of his brother’s disfigured body and staggered to the sink to splash cold water on his face and chase away the nausea that twisted his stomach. When he lifted his head from the basin it was to meet Loki’s cold eyes. 

“I told you their food was inedible.” Loki said flatly.

When Thor started toward him, Loki spat “GET OUT!” with such venom Thor found himself retreating. He ducked behind the curtain leaving Loki to his own devices. It was a relief to get away from the horror of what had been done to him. 

Thor dug through the bag that held their rations for the week, and finally laid his hand on the bottles he was searching for, he lined up six of the potent liquor and then added two more in case Loki wanted a drink. He broke the seal, downed the contents of the first bottle and only then took out their evening meal.

From behind the partition Loki’s voice rose. “If you would be so kind as to put some clothing within reach I’d like to leave the bath now. Unless you wish to further indulge yourself in more voyeuristic pawing.”

“Norns!” Thor swore. He quickly gathered underwear and outer clothing from the store of Loki’s clothing and held them at arm’s reach around the partition. Loki snatched them from his hands and Thor could hear his muttering as he dressed. 

Thor retreated and placed their dinner on the table and triggered the warming elements on the packages. He added two bottles of Loki’s favorite tea and a bag of fruit. He stared unseeing at the food and opened the second liquor bottle. He was on his third by the time Loki stepped around the curtain and padded in his sock feet to the table. There was no sign of the burn on his forehead or the marks on his hands, and Thor know he hid them under a glamor. 

Loki took a seat, prodded at both meals and then ripped the package off his and began wolfing down the food. He smirked when Thor picked up a forth bottle of booze. 

“Incestuous fondling not quite to your tastes now that I’m not so pretty, hmmm? Now that’s a silver lining I hadn’t considered.”

“Auðumla’s teats Loki! You know that is not what I was doing.”

“Do I Thor? I awake naked, with your hand groping my chest and your rapt gaze focused on my cock, what else am I to think? Did you enjoy your intimate invasion of my person?”

“Do I look like I enjoyed it?” Thor growled. 

“No.” Loki said with a twisted smile. He finished his food and seeing as Thor had made no move toward the package in front of him, exchanged his empty plate for Thor’s, ripped off the covering and tore into it, one arm circled around the plate as if Thor was going to try to snatch it back. After a several bites he raised his head and said. “Perhaps now you will think twice before invading my privacy again.”

“What happened to you?” 

Loki’s eyes narrowed dangerously. “Or perhaps not.” 

He returned to eating and washed the food down with long drinks of tea. When he reached for the fruit, Thor’s hand descended over his, stopping short of actual contact. Loki glanced from Thor to his hovering hand and back again. He bared his teeth in a vicious smile. 

Thor ignored his almost gloating expression and withdrew his hand without touching Loki. But he said “Don’t you think it would be better to wait a little while before having anymore? You don’t want to eat so much you make yourself sick.”

Loki sprang to his feet and stumbled backward, a look of horror on his face. He dropped to his knees, bent over and shoved his fingers down his throat. The remains of his meal hit the stone floor with a splatter. 

Thor jumped up as well. “What are you doing?! Loki! Stop that! Stop that this instant!"

But Loki did not heed him, and between bouts of vomiting he heard Loki’s disjointed rambling. 

“That’s why he wouldn’t eat… never expected… let your guard down… fool... let it be poison... how could you be so stupid… idiot… please let it only be poison this time… when will you learn…weak…”

Thor couldn’t stand it any longer and he stepped over Loki and jerked his hands away from his mouth.

“The food was not poisoned Loki! How could you think…”

Far from being reassured Loki gave a sob, pulled his knees to his chest and rocked back and forth. “Not that, not again... please... have mercy. I can’t bear it... not again...”

Thor knelt beside him and gathered Loki to his chest. Loki’s moods leapt from one extreme to the other, too quick for Thor to follow. Just as he thought he was getting a grip on his brother’s mental process, Loki eluded his grasp, slippery as a fish.

“It’s alright brother. It was just food. I promise it was just food.”

“Thor?” Loki said, sounding so much like the Loki he knew before his fall, Thor’s heart lurched. Tears blurred his eyes and slide down his cheeks. Loki grabbed Thor’s tunic and buried his face in its folds. “Thor? Take me home Thor, please take me home. Don’t make me stay here. I can’t take anymore.”

“I can’t Loki. I can’t take you home. Not yet.” He gripped Loki’s shoulders and pulled him back to search his face.

Loki went still and stiff. “No.” He said in that ice cold voice that Thor was coming to hate. “Silly of me to expect it. Why would you mount a rescue mission for a frost giant? Better to kill them all, hmmm?”

He shoved at Thor. “If you’re done dripping snot and sentiment all over me I’d like to sleep.”

Thor released him and then had to help Loki to his feet when he proved too weak to rise on his own. Loki wrenched away from his hand once he was up and stalked toward his bed. He looked around the room and then at Thor. “I hope you aren’t planning on sleeping with me. Or if you are, get it over with quickly. I’m tired.”

Thor grimaced and shook his head. He pointed toward a sack on the far side of the room “Mine is in there. I haven’t unpacked it yet.”

Loki frowned, puzzled for a moment, then seemed to recognize the sack and nodded. “Ah.” He said softly. He crawled, fully clothed into his own bed and looked up at the familiar tapestry. 

Thor returned to the bathroom grinding his teeth. That his brother had left him the task of cleaning up was typical of Loki. Let Thor do the dirty work had been his motto when they were younger. Why would he change his ways now? The liquor roiled in his stomach at the thought of the job ahead. But first he wet a cloth and went to where Loki lay in bed. Other then turning his eyes toward Thor and then looking away he didn’t respond to Thor’s offer of the wash cloth. Thor growled, leaned over and roughly wiped Loki’s face clean. Loki did nothing to stop him, as unresponsive as a doll. When Thor returned with a bottle of the tea Loki allowed Thor to prop him up, and drank when Thor held the tea to his lips.

His strange passivity killed Thor’s resentful anger. He was thoughtful while he cleaned up the mess. He eased himself into a cleaned and refilled tub, letting the warm water relax his tired body and calm his troubled mind. When he returned to the room he wrestled his tightly rolled mattress and bedding from a sack too small to hold its contents. It was one of Loki’s manufacture, a slightly larger version of the bags that held their provisions. 

Thor glanced over at Loki. He appeared to be sleeping, untroubled by the all that had passed. Thor’s own emotions were a tangle of hope and fear and guilt and regret. Thor shook his head, he’d deal with it in the morning. As he was turning off the lights Loki spoke.

“Leave some light Thor. I wish to look at the stars.”

“I will.” He turned the switch down until the sconces glowed like small banked fires. “Is this enough?”

“Yes.” 

Thor was closing his eyes when Loki spoke again. “Thank you for bringing the tapestry.”

“You are welcome. Good night brother.”

There was no further answer. Thor lay awake in the gloom for an hour listening to Loki breathe, before sleep finally claimed him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rough evening for them both. Simply because he's out from under the influence of the scepter does not mean Loki is going to be back in his right mind.  
> Thor and Loki have seen each other in various states of undress most of their lives, and have had to remove clothing to dress a wound the other received more then once. Tossing Loki in a tub of hot water to lessen the smell of his unwashed body is partly for Loki, but mostly for Thor who doesn't want to put up with the smell.


	3. The house with four doors

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Previously

Thor surveyed the storeroom which held Loki’s possessions, trying to decide which of the books to stuff in the last bag. It was partially loaded with those his mother insisted he take, including a few of her own and Thor considered for a moment which ones Loki might wish to reread. He remembered that his brother had tossed all of his storybooks into the fire one day after Odin had made a comment that it was time he grew up to Frigga. Even his beloved toys had gone into the flames as Loki swept all traces of his childhood away in an hour.

Thor shook his head. Loki made those kind of dramatic gestures and then had the gall to chide Thor for his impulsive acts. 

He abruptly remembered Loki’s final dramatic gesture and his throat tightened. Thor randomly grabbed books from the shelves and stuffed them in the bag. It didn’t matter what they were. His brother would never read a book again. He was doing this for his mother. To ease her grief over the dead son she insisted was still alive. Perhaps this was how she dealt with her feelings, by creating a place Loki could live on, if only in her memory. 

Thor knew Odin didn’t approve of his actions, had warned him about humoring his mother in her fantasy. But if his father was aware of Thor’s repeated trips on Frigga’s behalf, he’d so far done nothing to stop him. 

Thor was wary of inciting his father’s wrath. Since Loki’s death Odin’s moods were unpredictable. They had been before, if Thor was honest with himself. But lately they had worsened and Thor found himself avoiding his father. The question of Thor taking over the throne had been shelved indefinitely, though Odin had not returned to his interrupted Sleep. Which could account for his moodiness, along with his grief. Something was taking a toll on him.

That Odin had not allowed a funeral for Loki, because of his suicide, had not helped them to heal. He hadn’t spoken his dead son’s name in almost a year and he became infuriated if anyone else said it within his hearing. The closest he got was to refer to Loki as “your brother”, when talking to Thor or “him” when speaking to Frigga. Usually to warn them off the subject. While he hadn’t gone so far as to cover the ceiling mural (which Thor considered a terrible likeness of his brother, brought on, no doubt by Loki disparaging the artist's talent) all other portraits of the younger prince had been removed from both public and private spaces. His name was barred from any song or tale, nor was a recounting of his deeds in the service of Asgard allowed. It was if Odin was trying to erase Loki’s very existence. 

Thor sighed, threw the bag over his shoulder and trudged up the stairs. He knew his mother was waiting for him.

She was in fact, waiting in Loki’s old rooms. Thor hated coming in here, the space had been stripped to the walls and to him, felt like an empty sepulcher. An open wound, dry yet still unhealed. But it was a safe place to meet, as even Odin had not been able to take down almost a thousand years of privacy spells. Nor had he bothered with the suite other than commanding Loki’s things removed. It was Frigga who diverted them to a storage room instead of an incinerator. 

His mother turned from the open balcony and glided into the room. She didn’t look lost in madness. She looked sad and worn, but her customary serenity was untouched. Her face brightened into a smile at Thor’s approach. 

“This is the last of it.” Thor said. 

Something of his skepticism had communicated itself to his mother and she placed her hands on both sides of his face and tilted his head down to plant a kiss on his forehead. 

“A loyal son indeed who completes a task he believes fruitless.”

“With the bifrost broken I have little enough to do. So far the few minor uprisings are over before we could send an army to intervene, if father would even consent to do so. Since the destruction on Jötunheim the realms have been fairly quiet. No more than brush fire rebellions easily dosed by the locals.”

“Isn’t that better? That they deal with their own people, rather than rely on Asgard?”

Thor didn’t answer. He held his father’s views that it was Asgard’s responsibility to keep order in the nine realms and knew that his mother didn’t fully embrace the policy. Arguing with her was the truly fruitless endeavor.

“Is this the last of it?” Thor asked.

“Yes. Only his books were left. These other bags hold provisions for you both. You have completed the modifications to the site?”

Thor flinched at the “you both”. He knew the food would sit untouched, in perfect preservation until the bags themselves rotted away. A feast for cave beetles should such creatures live in the black depths. 

“The chamber is entirely circled with water, the runes have been cut and I finished the tapping into the stream last trip.”

“Good. I feel the time is approaching when these preparations will be needed.” She handed Thor a small envelope. “Here are the last keys. One to take you there and two to return. Be sure to use the black key to come home this trip and not the silver one. That one you must keep locked inside your heart.”

“I will. But you must promise me mother, once I return there will be no more talk of this. You must let Loki’s shade rest in whatever peace it can find.” 

Frigga patted his cheek. “I am afraid he will not know peace for many days.” At Thor’s frown she continued, “But if you will promise to take your brother to this sanctuary when next you meet, I will keep my word that I shall not again mention him, until your father speaks his name.”

Thor nodded. “When we next meet, I will take Loki to the cave mother.” 

He wasn’t worried about Odin speaking of his younger son any time soon. That would be years away if ever. By then Frigga will hopefully have come to terms with her loss.

“I’m worried about him.” Thor said. “Father.” He added lest she think he was beginning to share her delusion. “I came upon him in the balcony outside the feasting rooms and it seemed at first as if he didn’t know me.”

“Your father has a lot on his mind.”

“I wish he would let me take on some of the tasks of ruling, so he would have less to worry about. I offered to meet with the Vanir contingent when they arrive in port next week and he almost accused me of…” Thor stopped. He mother was burdened enough. She had her own duties as queen and didn’t have the option of avoiding Odin in his more difficult moods. “… of overstepping my duties.” Thor amended. Odin hadn’t actually said he suspected Thor was plotting with the Vanir, but the implication was there behind his words.

“I will speak with him about assigning you some of the more onerous tasks, but I doubt either of us will make much headway. Your father is proud and he dislikes delegating his authority. I shall have to frame the request carefully. Be patient my son. There are difficult days ahead. But as I foresee evil so also do I see an end to evil. If you can but,” Frigga paused and Thor knew she had seen the disbelief on his face. "Be patient, you will come through." 

Thor nodded. At least this time she hadn’t finished, “win your brother to your side and you will prevail.” He opened the envelope, took out the first key and stepped inside the chalked runes where the rest of the bags were piled. Frigga bent and filled in the last design. She stood, smiled at Thor and her hands moved in complicated patterns, is if she was at her loom. A soft silver light gradually filled the runes. When the light had reached his knees, Thor took Mjölnir from his belt, held it aloft, and read the first key aloud, carefully pronouncing the strange syllables. With a sighing like a soft breeze through spring trees Asgard melted from his sight and he was plunged into the now familiar, pitch dark cavern.

*

Thor glanced at his sleeping brother. It had been six months since his last trip to this cave. His last, and he was sure, his final trip to what he had thought of as a monument to Loki’s memory. His mother had been true to her word and she didn’t bring up Loki again. Not, that is, until the day his father called him to the throne room and announced that he’d seen Loki with an army of Chitari gathered to attack the realm under Thor’s protection. Odin implied that Loki had faked his death and hidden his actions so that he could strike at earth unaware and take it before any help from Asgard could arrive. A momentary lapse of his shielding had allowed Odin to glimpse enough to deduce his plans.

Thor had been so shocked and angry at the news, he’d hardly heeded his mother’s words to remember his promise or her message that Loki was under the hand of a powerful evil.

Odin had sent him within the hour of his announcement, the dark energy ripping a hole between the realms that dropped Thor into the heart of a building storm. From there everything had happened so fast he’d not had time to think. Loki's vicious baiting hadn’t influenced him toward tolerance. Even now he was not sure which version of events was the truth or if both or neither were. 

That Loki had been tortured was plain. But who had done the torturing? Those who sent him? And if he was a victim then why set him free and provide him an army to conquer and rule earth? Or had he fallen into the hands of other enemies and escaped with the help of the Chitari? How far back did their association go? If Loki could travel to Jötunheim unknown, was it not possible he had visited the Chitari’s world in the past? Had he planned on using them to take Asgard, should his scheme to stop Thor’s coronation fail?

There were too many questions, too many unknowns and each held its own peril, like a house with doors open to attack or escape from all four directions, but no windows to see what was coming. Only Loki could give him the right answers, but Thor didn’t trust his brother. What was more he was beginning to believe Loki didn’t trust himself.

Yet for all his uncertainty he was glad his brother still lived and that for once he had followed the impulse to heed his mother’s words instead of his father’s. Having publicly framed Loki as villain and traitor, Odin would not be quick to rescind his verdict. The punishment for such acts against the throne was severe, even for a prince. Thor had not wanted to regain his brother only to have him snatched away by their father's harsh judgement.

Loki murmured in his sleep and Thor added tea to the pot and turned on the kettle. At the best of times Loki was irritable when he first awoke. Thor hoped the tea would ease the mood this morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going to be posting these as they get written. So chapter lengths may very depending on how that day goes.  
> Thor is still feeling his way about and has conflicting information from Odin, Frigga, Loki, Fury and his own experience. Hes not trying to put together one puzzle, he's got at least five different versions and all are missing pieces.


	4. The threats of Thor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Memories and confrontation.

Loki woke in confusion. He was in his own bed, which was an impossibility. But here were his sheets, smelling faintly of lavender. Here the delicate flowers themselves embroidered on the hem under his hands, one short stalk where a handmaiden had run out of thread and moved on to the next flower upon rethreading her needle. Here the soft black fur of his first successful hunt lined with cloth the deep green of the pines under which Thor and he had camped that day. Overhead the tapestry his mother had woven, Asgard’s silver stars on indigo blue, a familiar sky when the moons had set. Over the lavender he could smell the scent of his morning tea. 

Had it all been some horrible nightmare? A fever dream brought on by some sickness of his mind? Loki raised his hand to smooth back his tangled locks and saw his scarred palm.  
His hope shattered into shards that twisted into his battered soul. 

“Breakfast is ready.” 

Thor’s voice grated across his ears. Not a statement. A condemnation for being still abed. A demand. Loki triggered the glamor to cover his scars, pushed himself upright, suppressing the wince of healing muscle and turned to his brother with a face schooled against expression. 

So soon it begins. Loki thought. Of course. Thor was no fool. He wouldn’t allow Loki a moment to gather his defenses if he could. Loki wondered which tool Thor meant to employ today. He doubted he’d invade Loki’s bodily integrity so soon after having failed at his previous attempt. He might try to break his spirit, but Thor tended to the unsubtle. The shackles and muzzle were boldly displayed on the iron chest next to Mjölnir and within easy reach of Thor’s seat. Thor was more likely to force him into physical submission then attempt to fool him with clever words.

Loki took a deep breath, braced for the coming confrontation and got out of bed. There was no need to dress. The loose pants and tunic would serve as daywear and bedclothes alike. Loki glanced around the cave, searching for his armor, but it was nowhere in sight. Thor wasn’t going to allow him that security. There were two dishes in their wraps, two empty cups and the teapot. 

“Take your pick.” Thor said. “We can share the food if that will settle your mind.” 

Loki sat across from Thor and considered the test. He carefully watched his brother’s face as he opened first one and then the other plate. He dumped their contents together, stirred them and then scraped half back onto the empty plate. He placed the unappealing mess in front of Thor and waited. Thor made a rueful face, picked up a fork and began eating. Loki nodded, opened the teapot looked inside, scooped out a few tea leaves with his fingers, examined them and then poured two cups of tea. Before Thor could pick up one, Loki poured both cups back in the pot and then refilled them. He moved the cup Thor had reached for in front of himself. Thor sighed took the other cup and drank half the contents. Loki swapped cups, sipped at the tea, waited a moment and then took a nibble of the food on his plate. Thor growled but refrained from speech. He was done long before Loki was, as Loki kept up his sip wait, nibble wait, process until his plate was empty. 

While he ate Loki examined the cave and its contents in detail. His bed wasn’t actually the one from his rooms, but his portable camp bed made up with his bedding. Likewise was Thor’s. His brother, having eaten and cleared away his plate into the sack serving as a trash bag, was in the process of assembling the frame. Most of the furniture was either small enough to fit through the mouth of the sacks or was easily disassembled to that diameter. Which meant most of it was his camp gear. Loki couldn’t help sighing at the dings that told him of Thor’s inexpert reassembly of the bookcase. There was a small mirror propped over two drawered chests stacked on on the other and his toiletries where laid out next to it. 

Loki walked carefully to the makeshift dresser. It was hard not to limp. Without the support of his boots, pain stabbed his feet with every step. The night’s uninterrupted rest had made him soft. Loki steeled his expression and rocked from heel to toe pressing his feet firmly into the stone with each step. He only refrained from stomping because he didn’t wish to draw Thor’s attention. It hadn’t worked. His brother was too much the predator to not spot frailty in his prey. 

Thor moved the spindle legged chair behind him. 

“Sit down and let me look at your feet.”

“Is that a command?”

“I’m not your enemy!” Thor said putting his hand on Loki’s shoulder and turning him around

“At the least, you are my jailor.”

Thor raised his clenched fist and Loki braced himself for the blow, lifting his chin and staring defiantly into Thor’s eyes.

The fist lowered and Thor rumbled. “Since you will not see reason, then yes, it is a command.”

Loki sat. “I prefer a certain honesty in our relationship, not this pretense of brotherhood you insist on preserving.”

“You are my brother. No accident of birth will change that.”

“Nor a thousand years of lies and disparagement? I was never you brother. I was only a target for your poor humor, a whetstone to sharpen your dull wit and an example of every failing that would keep you from claiming your place as king.”

Thor dropped to his knees and wrenched Loki’s socks off. “Must you fight me every step of the way?”

“It’s not a path I wish to tread.”

Thor’s fingers ran over the soles and tops of Loki’s feet and he stiffened but made no sound.

“With this many unset bones I would think there is no path you would willingly travel.”

Thor stood up and walked back to the pile of sacks and began hunting through them.

“Show me the road away from your presence and I’ll run it.” Loki reached for his socks. “Have you finished assessing my weakness?”

“Stay put.” Thor rumbled. He returned a moment later with a dark stone in his hand and again knelt before his brother. Loki tensed and tried to shrink back in the chair. Thor looked at him puzzled and then held up the stone. “It’s a healing stone. From the infirmary. You’ve used them often enough. He held it out to Loki. Loki looked at the hesitantly took it into his hand. His brow furrowed. 

“So it is.” He handed it back to Thor. “What do you intend on doing with it?”

Thor huffed in exasperation. “Healing these misaligned bones so you can walk without pain.”

“And if I don’t wish you to?”

Thor leaned back on his heels. “Ymir’s balls! Why wouldn’t you want to be healed?”

“Because pain makes me stronger and giving into it is an act of weakness. Because it is my body Thor and you have no right to it. Because it pains you that I’m in pain. Because it allows me to withhold from you the saccharine pleasure of doing a good deed for your poor, misguided, undeserving brother.”

“You are impossible!” Thor said and he grasped Loki’s ankle firmly and applied the stone to the bottom of his foot. There was a golden glow as it was activated and Loki hissed, then bit his lower lip and stared at the mocking mirror. Thor raised Loki’s other foot and repeated the process. “Finished.”

As Thor stood up Loki spoke. “Any other part of my body you want access to? I could drop my pants and bend over these chests since you are in a violating mood.”

“Norns Loki, what are you going on about? Why do you keep implying I would rape you? You are my brother!”

“I was merely taking your unwanted intrusions to their natural conclusion. You’ve been pawing me for years without my consent. I thought if we had it over with you’d lose interest and I wouldn’t have to endure any more of your unwanted mauling.”

“What are you talking about? We’ve always hugged each other!”

Loki stood and stepped into Thor’s space. “No. You’ve hugged me. Grabbed me by the neck. Threw your arm over my shoulders. Dragged me around by my arm. Not to mention all the times you decided to use me as a punching bag when you lost your temper.”

“We fought. All brothers fight. I remember you weren’t slow to use your fists either. At least until you decided to cheat and use magic during our disagreements.”

“Cheat?” Loki snarled. He grabbed Thor’s arm by the wrist pulled it up and laid his other arm alongside it. “How was it not cheating on your part when you were armed with these?”

Thor looked at Loki’s slender arm next to his. True he was presently thinner than normal but even at his fittest Loki only held half the muscle that Thor did. “Its not cheating to use my natural talent.” Thor defended.

“Ah.” Loki said letting go of Thor’s wrist and dropping back into the chair. “I see. It was only cheating when I use my natural talent.”

“Magic isn’t…”

Loki grinned. “Oh don’t stop now brother. Do go on. I’m sure mother would love to know your opinion on her unnatural talent.”

“That’s different!”

“How Thor?”

“Her gift is prophecy, not illusion. She uses it for the good of the kingdom, not to indulge herself annoying the servants.”

Loki laughed aloud. “Oh that’s good Thor. Who knew you had such a talent for comedy? Where did you think I learned illusion? At whose knee did I memorize arcane formula to warp the fabric of space to create those handy little bags which you and your friends found so useful? Who do you think taught me to shed my skin and run through the woods in the form of a wolf or raced me across the sky in a falcon’s dark feathers? Do you know how many times mother and I laughed and gossiped at a back table hidden in lessor nobles’ guise while our doppelgängers sat in formal attendance at the high table. I doubt she has attended one in a hundred of those boring social functions as herself.”

“Now that last is a lie. Father would know if you had done such a thing. He sees all that happens in the nine.”

“When he’s on the high throne and holding the king’s spear. Something he’d find difficult to accomplish from the feast hall. And didn’t you mention that here we were shielded from his sight? If she’s capable of crafting such a spell through a thick skulled intermediary as yourself can you not imagine what she can do by her own hand?”

Loki picked up the brush and dragged it through his tangled hair. He smiled at his own reflection and Thor glaring over his shoulder.

“Or is it just that it galls you that mother and I had our secrets which even father didn’t know? Jealousy scarce becomes your prized image as a hero.”

Thor’s fist slammed down on the chest, causing the mirror to fall over and Loki to flinch.

“And there we go. Your answer to all arguments. Intimidation, violence and death.”

“Why must you goad me?”

Loki put down the brush and tuned to look over his shoulder at his brother. He tilted his head.

“It’s not as if you are providing any other entertainment. Drinking myself into a stupor seems a pointless endeavor and I doubt you wish to give me any constructive criticism on my attempted invasion of your beloved mudball.” 

Loki picked the brush back up and returned to working out the knots. Thor stomped away and threw himself into the loveseat with enough force the frame creaked. 

“Considering any junior officer with a basic grasp of strategy could have been more effective I doubt you’d take it. You couldn’t have done worse if you were trying to fail.”

“Hmmm.” Loki said. He pulled open the drawers and looked through the contents. “I don’t suppose you brought my hair dressing?”

“If you mean that grease you insist on putting on your hair, no. One, I was sure you were already dead and wouldn’t need it, and two it’s disgusting.”

“It is not grease, it is a very expensive pomade made exclusively for me. If it weren’t for you I wouldn’t have to use so much of it.”

“You can’t blame me for your habit of going about looking like an oil soaked weasel.”

“Should I look like a blown dandelion instead?” Loki said pulling his hair back and twisting it into bun. “If you’d learn to control that static you put off I wouldn’t have to resort to slicking it down.”

Thor chuckled. “I always thought you made a cute little dandelion. Do you remember that time we were visiting the Boiled Hog, and you were trying to impress that boy who’d just been promoted to lieutenant? I was showing Sif how I could toss a ball of lightning.”

“However could I forget.”

“It landed in your drink and all your hair stood on end like a frightened cat. Sif almost fell out of her chair she was laughing so hard.”

“Yes. Hilarious. I so enjoyed being made to look a fool in front of a bar full of Einherjar.”

“Oh come on it wasn’t that bad. You have no sense of humor.”

“True. After all who wouldn’t have found it laughable to have their drink vaporized and their face and hands spattered with boiling liquid? I doubt my date forgot the experience any time soon. I’m sure he laughs aloud when he tells his fellow soldiers the tale of how he was almost blinded by the crown prince’s joke. Oh wait. No he doesn’t, he turned down his commission and resigned after that little incident. I believe he returned to Vanaheim. I wouldn’t know, as he never spoke to me again.”

Thor looked at Loki shocked. “You were hurt?”

“We were both hurt. What did you think would happen when you dropped a ball of plasma into glass of mead? It was just going to splash? Let me guess. You didn’t think beyond the chance to impress Sif and embarrass me.”

Thor sighed. “Was I always such an ass?”

“I haven’t noticed you’ve stopped being one.”

Thor leaned forward and put his head in his hands. “This isn’t going to work. We have grown too far apart, too much time has passed, and we have changed too much. What was mother thinking? I should have never brought you here.”

“That’s the first sensible thing you’ve said since we arrived. So either let me go or take me to Asgard. I’m sure Odin has a shiny new axe waiting for me.”

“I can’t.”

“Why? Because you promised mother you’d redeem me? I’m not in need of redemption, neither yours nor hers.”

“I didn’t say I won’t. I said I can’t. The key won’t work until we are no longer at odds.”

“What key? Show it to me. There’s not a spell I can’t break given time.” 

Thor stood up and undid his shirt and pointed to the left side of his chest. Loki rose and walked to Thor peering to where he pointed. At first he saw nothing. Then he noticed there was a faint silver glow under Thor’s skin. It brightened and dimmed to a steady beat and symbols glimmered and changed like living things.

“Then break it and be done so we can be free of this place. I’ll not pursue you if you stay away from Earth and Asgard.”

Loki frowned. “Surely she would not have risked you, her own flesh and blood. Not for my sake.” He muttered. He tentatively put his hand over the glow and frowned in concentration. The light brightened and symbols raced up his arm before he could jerk his hand away. His face paled and he stepped back from Thor. “It can’t break this.”

“You said you could break any spell.”

“This isn’t a spell, Thor. This is a geas.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, Thor has been a thoughtless idiot in the past. Loki of course has been a sweet tongued angel his entire life.


	5. The wasted truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Angst and accusations.

“Spell or geas what does it matter?”

Loki glared at Thor. He’d read the same history, knew the basic rules of power and magic, if only he’d bother to use his brain.

“My first question, did you willing agree to have the geas laid on you? Did she explain to you what it meant?”

“Yes. I saw no harm in it. I thought you dead.”

“And so after your death, would you would willing abandon all hope of Valhalla and follow me into Hel?”

Thor looked away. He muttered something that Loki didn’t hear.

“Speak up!”

“I didn’t believe you were in Hel. Why would one bad action overrule a life of good ones?”

“You are an optimistic fool.” Loki said with a half-smile that held a trace of affection. The expression vanished a second later.

“Second. I need the exact circumstance and wording of the geas. No paraphrasing, our lives may depend on your accuracy.”

Thor frowned, his lips moved silently and then he nodded. “We were in your old room. That is where she made the rune circle that brought me here and where I returned each time. It was the last trip. I’d read the return key and was transported back to the circle. That was when she told me to read the silver key. Called thus I suppose because the words were written in silver leaf instead of black ink. It was simple enough. For once they were not in that arcane language the other keys were written in, but plain Aesir. So I read them.” 

“The words Thor!” Loki said impatiently.

“When brothers heart in hand is bound, then shall the pathway home be found.” 

Loki’s eyes narrowed and he abruptly turned away from Thor. He paced blindly from one end of the cave to the other, the roaring in his ears too loud to hear Thor’s further words. He was trapped, fully and completely caged. Not even… his mind sheared away memories too terrible to be real. Yet even they had not managed a prison this perfect, nor placed a key so terrible in his hand. Why had he allowed himself to believe for minute that his escape would be so easily accomplished? 

“Oh you are good mother,” Loki muttered. “Odin must be so proud of you. To be willing to sacrifice your only child to further his goals. Do you trust me that much? Or think I am still so tied to your lies I will not grasp it but give in? Though perhaps, perhaps I am meant to take it.” 

Loki paused and glanced sidelong at Thor before resuming his pacing. “Has he proven to be more of a disappointment to him, to them both then I imagined? She’s a powerful enough witch that even at her age she could provide the old man with another, more malleable heir. Am I meant to remove this impediment?”

Loki stopped his pacing, his head snapped up and he turned to Thor. “Tell me brother, how far has the golden son of Asgard fallen from grace?”

“What do you mean? Father has been, difficult of late, but…” He trailed off, doubt in his voice.

“No more talk of a coronation? Hmmm?” 

“It hasn’t come up. With the bifrost damaged father has been occupied with other things.” Thor’s lower lip stuck out in a childhood expression of stubbornness.

“No doubt.” Loki grinned wickedly. No it’s a nicely baited trap but one I won’t put my hand into.”

“Speak plainly. Is there a way around the geas or is there not?” 

“There is always a way around a geas should one be willing to pay the price. The answer to this puzzle is a quite literal one.”

“So you are open to reason? If you admit your wrongs, ask forgiveness, I’m sure father can be brought around to assign you a reasonable punishment.”

“MY WRONGS?” Loki screamed. 

“What of those done to me? Will Odin crawl on his belly to my feet and beg forgiveness for all his lies, his manipulation, for letting me believe I was anything other than a tool to be used until it broke? To be throw aside when I no longer served his purpose? What wrong have I done to him?”

Thor sprang to his feet his hands clenched. “You invaded my world.” He roared.

“You invaded mine first.” Loki snarled. “Or have you forgotten what I am? Forgotten that I am not truly your brother?”

Thor clenched his teeth and growled. “So there is no way out. You will not align your heart to my goal, no matter what I say. Why lie and give me false hope if you refuse to act on what you know you must do.”

Loki’s eyes went flat and cold. “Oh Thor. You are still a fool. Must I tell you how to open this door when the words where plainly given to you? Only one of us can return to Asgard. You can return victorious to the golden realm and prove your alliance by bringing Odin the heart of a traitor. Or I can go home to a well-earned condemnation with the proof of my evil dripping from my fingers.” He chanted softly “When brother’s heart, in hand is bound, then shall the pathway home be found.”

Loki smiled into Thor’s horrified face. “All either of us needs to escape this trap, is a sharp blade and a bit of twine.” 

*

Thor handed Loki his third bottle and took a swallow from the one in his hand. He’d needed a drink after Loki’s revelation. Several in fact.

“How do you know I won’t murder you in your cups.” Loki had said.

“Because you’ll be drinking with me.” Thor gruffly answered, shoving one of the bottles at his brother.

Loki had eyed it suspiciously, then shrugged, said, “One way or another, it hardly matters now.” and downed most of its content in one long drink.

Thor had followed suit. The second bottles had met their ends slower, and Loki looked as if he was contemplating something, but it was only now, after sip from this latest addition, did he speak.

“This was brewed from the palace hives. It tastes of her garden. I though father only allowed it to be served on special occasions.”

“I ordered it for your funeral feast.” 

Loki laughed softly. “And decided to set aside a case or two for your own imbibing. Did the guilt of your minor theft so bother you, that you had to stow them here in this, this mausoleum to my memory?”

Thor made a dismissive sound. Loki took another drink.

“Was it a nice funeral? Did father make a noncommittal speech about a tragic accident while mother sat bravely teary eyed beside him? How did they fix up the boat? A dummy bearing my likeness? Or only a covered lump vaguely resembling a man.”

Thor shook his head.

“Don’t tell me Odin revived that ancient custom of sacrificing a prisoner to take my missing body’s place. It would have been quite touching if he had.”

Thor finished his third bottle and reached for his forth. “There wasn’t a funeral.”

Loki looked confused. “There wasn’t? You said he believed me dead. That he mourned me. You said you all did.”

“We did, but…” Thor passed a hand over his face. “I’m sorry Loki, father said such a dishonorable death was better forgotten.”

Loki made a soft sound, looked down at the bottle in his hands and took another lengthy drink. ”Of course.” The soft sound this time was a laugh that held no humor. “No doubt he wishes he could erase all memory of his failed gamble to put a puppet king on Jötunheim’s throne.”

Thor growled. “He’s trying.”

Loki looked askance at his brother but Thor just shook his head.

At the fifth bottle Thor asked. “Do you really believe mother would set such diabolical trap?”

“Alone? No. But she has always supported father. This is more test than trap and it stinks of father’s hand. You’ve failed at trials one and two so all that is left is the last to prove yourself.”

“You think in labyrinthine circles brother. I cannot follow your reasoning.”

“Trial one.” Loki said counting on his fingers. “You obey him, disregard mother’s request and bring me directly to Asgard with the tesseract and turn me over to his justice. Obviously your failed that one.

Trial two. You bring me here, shove me into this neat little hole, collapse the tunnel behind me and return to Asgard with the tesseract. Not fully loyal, however you took care of the embarrassing problem so in time your minor disobedience will be forgiven.

Trial three, having failed at your first and second attempts to prove your loyalty you are now forced to choose to slay me, in order to return home. You are still a potential problem, but in the end you put your own wellbeing above my life so at least you show signs of having a backbone. Plus I’m safely and permanently out of the picture without Odin having to dirty his hands and risk any residual resentment on your part.”

“Is this the reasoning you learned among your allies the Chitari?”

“They were hardly my allies.”

“Your dupes then. What did you promise them for their aide?” 

“I promised them nothing but war and death and a chance to wreak havoc for their master.”

“And for that they followed you to Earth?”

“They did as they were directed.” Loki snapped. His eyes clouded and seemed to be looking at something in the distance. Thor almost missed his next words, so soft were they. “As all must in the end.”

They sat silently for yet another bottle. Thor felt the warmth of the mead soaking into his bones and Loki had slid off the loveseat to sit on the floor his back resting against the frame and incidentally against Thor’s shin as he incrementally slumped sideways.

“Have we always been so at war with each other?” Thor asked.

“A long time ago…” Loki sighed. He didn’t continue and Thor prodded.

“A long time ago what?”

“I would have died for you. I was such a fool.” Loki straightened up and shifted away from Thor.

“I would have done the same.”

“Ever the hero. But no longer.”

“Of course I would.”

“Are you offering your chest to my knife?”

“That’s not what I meant.”

“I didn’t think so. Pretty words are so cheap, almost tawdry. Shall you tell me you love me next?”

“What happened to you?”

“My eyes were opened.”

“Only to darkness, brother.”

“All that there is, is darkness. Cold, unfeeling, never ending darkness.”

“Yet here we sit in light.”

“Only for a matter of weeks, at best. How many millennium has this place existed without light, and how many more shall pass once these pointless glimmers have died?” 

“By that line of thought, life itself has no meaning.”

“You think it does?” Loki sighed and began his slow lean toward Thor as if caught in his gravity.

“It you believe your existence is pointless then why do you strive so hard for a throne?”

Loki tilted up the bottle, looked surprised when nothing further came out and tossed it away. It landed on the pile of sacks with a thump, rolled down the side and across the gently sloping floor to bounce into his outstretched thigh. He stared at the bottle, picked it up and put it down on his other side and watched it roll away until it bumped into the far wall.

“One,” He said, pausing to open the last of the bottles Thor had garnered from their supplies. “One has to pass the time somehow.”

His slump had brought him up against Thor’s leg again, and he rested his head on his brother’s knee as he sipped. 

Unthinking Thor dropped his hand to Loki’s head and stroked his fingers through his hair as if he were petting a dog. He yawned.

“It seems a wasteful hobby. You should have pursued singing instead. You used to love singing. You’ve a pleasant singing voice.”

“Not anymore.” Loki's words held a clipped precision which told he was trying not to slur them.

“You don’t like singing anymore?”

“Can’t sing.”

“Why not?”

Loki carefully sat his half full bottle on the toe of Thor’s boot and watched as it tipped over and spilled mead in a thin steam across the floor. The bottle dropped from its precarious perch and rolled nosily away to join its compatriot.

“Damaged vocal cords." Loki said. He stretched his arms and upper back. "You have enough acid forced down your throat,” He turned and looked sad eyed up at Thor. “No more singing.”

He lay his arms over Thor’s thighs and pillowed his head on them. “Sing to me brother.”

Thor swallowed the last of his drink and placed the bottle on the floor, that it too could roll away. He stroked Loki’s hair, and with tears wetting his beard, sang.

Drøymde mik ein draum i nótt  
um silki ok ærlig pell,  
um hægindi svá djupt ok mjott,  
um rosemd með engan skell.

Ok i drauminom ek leit  
sem gegnom ein groman glugg  
þá helo feigo mennsko sveit,  
hver sjon ol sin eiginn ugg.

Talit þeira otta jok  
ok leysingar joko enn —  
en oft er svar eit þyngra ok,  
þó spurning at bera brenn.

Ek fekk sofa lika vel,  
ek truða þat væri best —  
at hvila mik á goðu þel´  
ok gløyma svá folki flest´.

Friðinn, ef hann finzt, er hvar  
ein firrest þann mennska skell,  
fær veggja sik um, drøma þar  
um silki ok ærlig pell.

I dreamed a dream last night  
of silk and fair furs,  
of a pillow so deep and soft,  
a peace with no disturbance.

And in the dream I saw  
as though through a dirty window  
the whole ill-fated human race,  
a different fear upon each face.

The number of their worries grow  
and with them the number of their solutions —  
but the answer is often a heavier burden,  
even when the question hurts to bear.

As I was able to sleep just as well,  
I thought that would be best —  
to rest myself here on fine fur,  
and forget everyone else.

Peace, if it is to be found, is where  
one is furthest from the human noise —  
and walling oneself around, can have a dream  
of silk and fine furs.

**the first two lines are from the world’s oldest known secular Danish song written in runes from the Codex Runicus. Dr. Jackson Crawford translated it into old Norse and wrote the rest of the lines. However It seemed appropriate, and I hope if he ever finds this he will forgive my using it so frivolous a manner.  
You can learn more about it here.  
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jBnYyCe774Q/  
and hear it performed here.  
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y79kIGldNXc&feature=youtu.be

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Loki is not a reliable narrator of anyone else's motives. Severe trauma can cause paranoia. They are talking at cross purposes here.  
> Links edited to provide more accurate information. Thanks OzoneWhisp


	6. The Vow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Frigga waits in Asgard. Thor and Loki untangle skeins.

Frigga plucked at her loom, pulling out the final strands of her previous day's work. The weaving had once again fallen into chaos and she’d lost sight of the pattern she’d glimpsed behind the seeming random threads.

She glanced up when she heard the pattering footsteps of a young serving girl. Though didn’t they all seem so young nowadays, hardly out of the nursery? Or was it only that she was so old in comparison? Frigga cleared that thought from her mind and smiled with her usual composure.

“Yes?” Once she would have known the girl's name, known the names of all the women that worked in and about the palace, but they had blurred together over the years, coming to be trained in running a household of their own or to learn the few magics within their grasp them leaving to start their own families, birth children of their own and watch them grow into men. Watch them leave to war. Never knowing if they would come back victorious or on a shield carried by their compatriots.

She forced her wandering mind to focus on the girl’s words.

“..still waiting in the outer chamber.”

“Who would that be?” Frigga thought. She glanced out the window, the ringed moon had just cleared the horizon, midafternoon, so a lesser Jarl. Diplomates and the greater Jarls were seen either in the slot before lunch so they could be on their way or right before dinner so they would be invited to the meal. It would be… Milgrid, spokeswoman for the shepherds and shearers guild. Not a lady to submit quietly to a slight.

“Thank you. I’ll see to it.” Frigga said as she rose from her seat. “These lapses in his memory where getting worse,” she thought as hurried through the private corridors, “as are his outbursts. He needs to go into restorative Sleep. Though I’m not sure if that will be enough to bring him fully back to himself. Come home soon my sons, your father needs you. Asgard needs you.” She closed her eyes for a moment and bowed her head. “I need you.”

She entered the royal audience chamber from the rear door. Odin sat on the smaller throne used for these more intimate encounters with his subjects. The spear was held loosely in his hand and he gazed off into the middle distance.

“My husband?” Frigga said.

Odin turn to look at her and there was puzzlement in his eyes. It cleared and he said. “Frigga, what brings you here at this hour?”

“Gild mistress Milgrid of the shepherds and shearers guild awaits your attention, my lord."

“Oh. The sheep woman. I’m waiting for the report on the weather conditions of the upper and lower pastures this past year. Did you know that weather can effect both the quality and quantity of the wool and predict the amount of predator losses? I didn’t. He never lets anything get by him. Clever. Don’t know what’s taking the boy so long. He usually has it here the day before that woman arrives.”

Frigga put her hand over Odin’s. “He’s not been home this year, my love. Remember? You sent Thor to fetch him.”

Odin furrowed his brows. A welter of expressions flitted across his face. Confusion, pain, anger, grief. Outrage was the one that settled on his features. “He betrayed us. Everything we gave him, a home, a family, the status to which he was rightfully born and he betrayed us. Even his death was a lie.” There was a catch in his voice at this last. He covered it my grumbling, “What’s taking Thor so long?”

“The way back takes longer now that the bifrost is disabled. He sent the Tesseract ahead to keep it safe.”

“He should have used it to bring them both back.”

“Perhaps he secured it before he found Loki.”

Odin turned on Frigga with a look of fury.

“How many times must I tell you that name is not to be spoken in my presence?”

She tightened he lips but refrained from answering. She knew him too well and could see the tears that glistened behind his refuge of rage.

“Shall I send the Gild mistress in?”

Odin slumped back in his throne.

“Very well, but stay. She tries my patience and you,” Odin looked off into the distance again. “Stay.” he said softly.

“Of course.” Frigga turned and walked sedately to the main door.

“They are so alike,” Frigga thought, “if only they could see that. Both so quick to mask any hurt with anger and both so wary of asking for help. For all that he adores Thor, Loki is the true son of his spirit. If only we had been honest with Loki from the start. Norns please let Thor reach him. Let him bring his brother home.”

She opened the doors and smiled, “Guild mistress Milgrid, the king will see you now.” When she turned to escort the glowering woman into the room, Odin was sitting in regal posture, stern yet approachable, and every inch the king.

“Speak to me your concerns, guild mistress.” He intoned.

*

Thor shifted uncomfortably. His left leg had fallen asleep and the mead he drank earlier was anxious to be on its way. Loki was drooling on his knee, passed out. He’d never had Thor’s capacity for alcohol and had passed his limit while Thor was only at what Loki called his maudlin sentimental phase. Thor didn’t want to wake him. Even the few hours he’d had to endure of Loki’s erratic moods this morning was too much and he was sickened by the thought of what his brother had been through.

He shifted again, and Loki’s arms slid a little further off his lap. In a moment he was going to fall completely over and rap his head on the floor if Thor didn’t intervene. Thor gave up, leaned forward, grasped his brother under his arms and hoisted Loki onto his feet as he stood up. Loki was a limp as a rag doll, well and truly out. Thor let his breath out in a sigh of relief, moved his grasp, bent to slide an arm under Loki’s knees and carried him to his bed. Dropping his brother on the dark fur, he hurried away to take care of his own pressing need.

Thor took an hour to clear up the empties, wipe up the spilled mead and unpack those of their supplies which didn’t need to be kept in the stasis of the magic bags. It was a simple enough task and allowed him to consider Loki’s words in a new light.

He’d left Asgard sure in the knowledge that Loki was leading an army to attack earth in a mad act of revenge against himself and to secure the tesseract to aid him, before turning his sights on Asgard. Sure that his attempted suicide had been part of an elaborate plot to gain him vengeance for… Here Thor bogged down. Because he knew Loki should have been told the truth. And barring that, Odin should at the least have never allowed them to grow up believing the Frost Giants were monsters. Loki was or had been living proof that that was a lie. And in the shock of finding it out?

Thor shook his head. Loki had done what he’d always done when he felt he hadn’t met his father’s expectations. Acted in the most extreme way possible, not by denying the stories their father had told them, but by denying himself. If the frost giants were monsters then Loki would prove he wasn’t one of them by destroying them all. And when that hadn’t worked?

Thor glanced at where Loki lay. “You decided to make yourself into the monster father claimed your people were.” He said softly, then slowly shook his head. “Only brother, that’s not right. Someone helped you didn’t they? Someone fed your madness. Why won’t you tell me what happened to you? Who hurt you? I can’t help you if you won’t tell me.”

“Nor can you hurt me.” Loki drawled. One eye opened and looked at Thor and closed again. “When did they decide to include tiny hammer wielding dwarfs in the palace mead?”

“That is why I grew a moustache." Thor answered. "To strain them out.”

That got a chuckle out of Loki. The first one without ranker Thor had heard from him. He waited this time for Loki to speak.

Loki’s smile faded and he said. “I’m so tired, Thor.”

Thor came and sat on the edge of the bed and covered Loki’s hand. “Then rest. I’ll not let anything disturb you. You are safe here.”

“From all but you.” Loki said wearily. But his breathing slowed and a few seconds later he was snoring again.

Thor ran his eyes over Loki and was worried to see a several dark spots staining his clothing. Untended wounds, either recent or the older infected ones. Thor wondered if he should take advantage of Loki’s unconscious state to clean and dress them or try to persuade his brother to take care of them once he was awake. So far Loki had clung to his pain as if his life depended on it. Yet other than one or two weirdly sexual comments had not retaliated against Thor for healing him. He had offered no resistance when once Thor used the stone on his damaged feet.  
Thor shrugged let the bed and got out the medical supplies his mother had packed. It wasn’t as if Loki didn’t already hate him for a hundred other things. He might as well hate him for this too.

Loki didn’t wake when Thor undressed him to his underclothes. He first washed the wounds he could see, opening and cleaning out those that were infected and then applied the stones and waited while the wounds healed shut. There was little he could do for the scars. They should fade over the years if they weren’t too deep. He pushed Loki’s shirt up and dealt with the marks marring his torso, front and back. Took care of what looked like an animal bite on one shoulder and claw marks down his back. He pushed up one leg of Loki's undershorts to pick several tiny pieces of concrete and leather scraps out of the recent scrape on his thigh. Then he steeled himself and eased Loki’s undershorts down to his knees.

The burns on Loki’s penis were deliberately designed to create pulling scars that would destroy any sensation of pleasure and replace it with pain. The entire length was swollen, hot to the touch and the delicate skin split in a few places were fluid leaked out. He had to be in agony. Thor swallowed down the feeling of nausea and as gently as he could washed the area. Loki whimpered but still did not wake. Thor silently thanked any and all higher beings that might be shedding mercy on them. He held a healing stone over the damage and watched, biting his lip as the unhealed, seeping burns became covered with whole unblemished skin. Not all of the marks were removed, as some were already set into scar, but most of them, including those most recent and egregious were gone and the heat and swelling had faded.

Thor sighed in relief and heard a matching sound from Loki. His eyes flicked to his brother's face and met Loki’s gaze. Their eyes held for three long seconds then Loki shut his. Thor waited but his brother neither spoke or tried to move away.

Well he’d been caught red handed, and handling his brother’s genitals no less. He might as well finish the job and deal with the outcry later. The sac below was also swollen, yellowed from bruising though with less burns. Here only an application of the healing stone was needed. “A stone for the stones.” Thor thought and had to suppress a nervous snicker. The swelling receded, the sac returned to a rose pink and said stones felt whole through the bare silken skin.

“Enjoying yourself”

Thor snatched his hand away and flipped the fur up, covering Loki’s groin.

Loki smirked, reached for his undershorts and pulled them back up.

“I was only checking to see that the healing was complete.”

“Mmm hmmm.” Loki sat up, leaned past Thor and grabbed his pants. He slid his feet in, stood up and pulled them on.

“Did, did whoever do this to you, did they…?” Thor stopped afraid to broch the subject of rape lest he trigger another terrible memory.

Loki fastened his pants and donned his shirt before answering. “If you are asking was I violated, the answer is no." He finished with the buttons and smoothed the cloth down. An oddly fastidious action considering the stains. "They seemed strangely reluctant to include that particular assault in the list of ways they tested me.” He smiled at Thor. “In that way at least I am yet undefiled.”

Thor blew out his breath in relief.

Loki sat back down on the bed and smiled his crooked smile. “I think they knew such a minor thing wouldn’t distress me much. It is not as if Odin hadn’t planned the same thing for me.” 

“How can you say such a thing?”

“Perhaps because Odin told me himself he planned to unite Asgard and Jötunheim through me. That implies a royal wedding does it not? As a shape changer it would not be too difficult to force me to supply you with a bevy of heirs.” Loki’s smile became vicious and twisted. “But it seems you changed his plans when you sparked off that little war. That turned out rather fortunate for you. A pity if you’d had to wed a monster.”

“You’re not serious.”

“You can ask the old man himself once you return to Asgard. That is if he will admit he once consider mixing his bloodline with that of the animals that populate that frozen wasteland.”

“The Jötnar are not animals. Nor are they monsters. They are people.” Thor growled.

“No wonder Odin refuses to hand over the throne to you if you harbor such blasphemous opinions.”

Loki pushed off the bed and walked to the bookcase where he inspected the books.

“You,” Loki continued, “have a high opinion of a race you have only met once in battle. I’ve dealt with them. They are cunning, ruthless and barbaric. At least the Aesir would not leave an unwanted infant to freeze to death, no matter how malformed it was. In that at least, Odin spoke truth.”

“You are not malformed. How can you expect anyone to have a good opinion of you if you have such a poor opinion of yourself?”

“I haven’t noticed that I need to do anything for others to have a poor opinion of me.” Loki took a book from the shelf. “This isn’t one of mine.”

“Mother gave me several books to bring here.”

Loki started to put it back, reconsidered with a shrug. He took the book over to the love seat, where he sprawled across the cushions, his back against one arm and his feet propped up on the other. He opened the book and began to read. Thor frowned at him, dug out his armor and a jar of leather dressing and started cleaning it. There was little enough for him to do. Their mother had provided for his brother’s entertainment, but not for his.

As he worked he tried to take in Loki’s assertion that Odin had planned to unite the kingdoms of Asgard and Jötunheim through Loki. Surely his father wouldn’t have raised them as brothers if he once considered… His mind kept drifting back to that smooth silken weight in his hand.

Thor flushed and glanced at Loki to clear his mind of such thoughts. Loki was his brother. He was doing the same thing he’d done countless times before, burying his nose in a book and pointedly ignoring Thor. Familiar, ordinary and annoying. There was that so little wrinkle between his eyes as he concentrated, that Thor had seen thousands of times before. That one strand of hair that always seemed to stray across his face and had to be tucked behind his ear, only for it work loose a few moments later and fall forward again. Thor didn’t know how it could, Loki’s ears stuck out far enough. Not as far as when he was a boy of course. No, now the pink brushed swirls were closer to his dark hair, framed by his side burns and smooth cheek, the sharp edge of his cheek bone darkened by the shadow of his long lashes, the fine edge of jaw leading down to a firm chin and narrow lips that looked as soft as rose petals. A slender tapered finger was raised to touch those lips, they parted and a tongue darted out, red and wet to lick the pad,

Thor felt his breath catch in his throat, felt a stirring in his groin,

and Loki turned the page.

“Ymir’s balls!” Thor swore and surged to his feet.

Loki gave him a curious glance as he hurried behind the curtain that separated the bathing area from the main room. Thor splashed cold water on his face in an attempt to get back his composure. He was not lusting after his own brother.

“You are not an over sexed adolescent to be thrown into a heated panic at the sight of a set of balls.” He said to himself. It wasn’t as if he had never enjoyed the occasional man warming his bed in the past amid the myriads of women.

Thor soaked a washcloth in the icy water and applied it to the most embarrassing of his reactions. The freezing solution worked and he was able to think clearly again. It had been over a year since he’d seen Jane. Cute, funny, intelligent, plucky Jane. The woman he loved. The reason he hadn’t looked to anyone else since he’d returned to Asgard. He pictured her in his mind, her dark hair and pert little nose and blue green eyes with their long black lashes. No that was wrong Jane’s eyes were… gray? Brown? And her hair was blond? Or was it brown? He found he couldn’t bring her to mind, a year’s absence had blurred the three days they’d shared. Instead it was another face that looked at him, pale and finely drawn with mischief sparkling in his eyes. Another smile, sharp and a little mocking, that softened when their gaze met.

How many years had he felt that firm grip on his arm, had that clever mind at his call, advising, chiding, and guiding him. Sometimes to success and sometimes to disaster, but always there to share the adventure, fair or foul. Someone he could trust to have his back. It wasn’t Jane, good and fair and smart, he had sought with such fervor on earth. He’d never even given her a thought until the Son of Coul had brought her up, and he’d dismissed her from his mind just as quickly. It struck him that he'd mourned not the loss of the woman herself but the loss of what she represented, those few hours when he'd been free of all responsibility and could be simply Thor the man and not Prince Thor, or Thor the thunder god.

No, it was Loki who he'd mourned so deeply and who he'd been so furious at for the pain of that mourning. Loki, crazed and vicious and acting as he never had before. Spouting a nonsensical credo to the humans which was the opposite of every opinion he’d ever argued with Thor. Implementing an invasion whose incompetency belied all the years of training and experience he’d had as a prince of Asgard and a leader of the Einherjar. Stabbing him with a letter opener when he had daggers that could slice through the heaviest armor. Tears in his eyes as he decried Thor’s “sentiment”. Loki had fought better battles as a boy in their games of stragy and defense. He…

Thor dropped the washcloth in the sink, refastened his pants and marched back into the main room.

“You meant to lose!” Thor said as he strode toward his brother his finger pointed in accusation.

“What?” Loki said, blinking as he turned his attention from the book to his brother.

“In New York, In Stuttgart, even on the Helocarrier. You never tried to escape when I left you on that mountain top and fought the Man of Iron and the Captain. You meant to lose. Every step of the way you made the worst possible…”

Loki cleared the back of the loveseat in a bound and was on Thor so quickly he had no chance to call Mjölnir to his hand. The hammer hit his palm a second behind Loki’s attack. But no knife stabbed between his ribs. No blast of magic knocked him to the ground. Instead Loki slapped one hand over Thor’s mouth and the other on the back of his neck. His eyes had widened to black pits and his teeth were bared in a rictus of terror.

“Be silent!” Loki hissed into Thor’s ears. “He’ll hear you! Be silent you fool! If ever you cared for me say not another word!”

Thor could feel Loki trembling so hard he threatened to shake loose an earthquake. He stared in disbelief at the man who had walked toward a charging dragon at his side without a qualm. Who fought unwavering and joking back to back with him when they were outnumbered ten to one. Who when he’d lost all hope, had dropped between the stars to certain death without a single cry. Who now starred into his eyes with the stench of fear on his sweat slick skin and whimpers of horror escaping his gasping lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Frigga has so much riding on her gamble. Odin is not a total rat bastard.  
> When your perspective changes, your whole world view can shift.  
>  I changed this after I posted it and did a major revision. I decided not to go down the intersex Loki path. I hadn't tagged for it, it adds little to the story, I've done that in other Thorki stories and it felt tacked on here.


	7. The servant’s death

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tearing apart the past.

Thor let Mjölnir drop to the floor with a heavy thud. His first instinct was to put his hands on Loki, to cup the back of his neck and grasp his shoulder. But he felt Loki flinch away before he made contact and he lowered his hands. He met Loki’s frightened gaze and nodded.

Loki’s eyes flicked back and forth across his face. His tongue darted out and licked his lips, a sign of his indecision. He waited a moment more before slowly removing his hand from Thor’s mouth, looking ready to slap it back into place should his brother speak.

Thor waited until Loki took a pace back. “We are warded here.”

Loki shook his head. 

Thor continued. “Not even Heimdall, all seeing as he is, can see us.”

Loki paced to where the book had fallen when he had leapt over the loveseat. He picked it up and brushed dust from its cover.

“If he is so all seeing, then why did he not see me? Or did he?” Loki’s eyes narrowed. “Perhaps he would not be so quick to have me back in Asgard where I could name him thrice traitor.”

“Heimdall? He’s no traitor. I know of no one more loyal to the throne. If he had seen you, he would have told father.”

“He gave you passage to Jötunheim when Odin forbade it, to satisfy his own curiosity. He allowed your traitorous friends to travel to Midgard when Odin banished you. And he brought you back from that banishment against the king’s wishes.”

“Against your wishes you mean.”

“I was the king!”

“You had no right to the throne!”

Loki stared at Thor, shock plain on his face. “With you banished, father fallen into the Sleep and mother refusing to leave his side, for fear he would not awaken without her assistance, who else would take up the burden? Should I have disregarded mother’s appointment, abandoned my responsibility and placed your fat friend on the throne? We were at war!”

“Mother appointed you regent?”

“Of course she did. What did you think? That I’d knocked Odin unconscious, bespelled mother and seized the throne by force?”

Thor frowned. That was fairly close to what his friends had led him to believe. However that didn't excuse all of Loki's actions.

“You let Laufey and his henchmen into Asgard!” Thor said.

“And killed them. Or did you forget that part?”

“You tried to destroy Jötunheim.”

“As Bor destroyed the dökkálfar.” Loki said with a twisted smile. He lay back down on the love seat and opened the book.

“That’s not the same thing.” Thor growled and walked over to glare down on him.

“True.” Loki said and flipped through the pages. “The dökkálfar started that war and you responsible this latest one.” He glanced up at Thor. “Tell me, how many of Asgard’s men have died fighting the Jötnar since I left?”

“The Jötnar were in no condition to press war after the Bifrost damaged their planet.” Thor said, “But that doesn’t mean you were right to so use it in such a way.”

“Mmm hmm.” said Loki returning to his book. “In your mind it would have been more honorable to engage in bloody warfare that sent thousands of our own people to their deaths and incidentally thousands of those monsters you profess to care for. And yet, you would claim you no longer love battle.”

“Don’t lie to me, Loki. You meant to slaughter the frost giants, not intimidate them with a show of force.”

“What of it? They are nothing to me. Less than nothing. Should I grieve for the ones who would have seen me die aborning? If Asgard had fallen to their attack, how long do you think your precious Midgard would have stood?”

Thor turned and walked away. “You would paint yourself a hero. Yet why lie to me during my banishment? What purpose did it serve to tell me father was dead and mother wouldn’t allow me to return?”

“Purpose? Why to let you know how it felt to lose everything. To know what it was like to be without hope of redemption. Also, I didn’t want you turning up and interfering in my plans." Loki smiled. "I rather enjoyed seeing the look of devastation on your face.” 

“That was cruel.”

Loki snorted and turned another page. “You don’t know what cruelty is.”

“What happened to you?”

“I died Thor. I died as all must die. I died a servant and was reborn a conqueror. I was remade stronger than before. All weakness purged from my mind and body.”

“Stronger? You were so injured you could not walk without limping when we arrived. I don’t know how you managed to fight me in New York.”

“I managed because I have learned to embrace pain, instead of avoiding it.” Loki said. But then he laid the book down on his thigh, shut his eyes and put his hand over them.

“It is over Thor. I don’t know why you wish to prolong this. I’m your enemy. Why can’t you see that? End this as it was meant to be ended and return home.”

Thor knelt, and rummaged through the loosely piled armor. Loki picked up the book and began reading again. He ignored Thor’s approaching steps, and didn’t lift his gaze when he brother once again stood over him. 

“If you have something to say, say it and be gone.”

“Why don’t you end it Loki?”

“I’ll not come groveling back to Asgard.”

“That’s not what I am offering.”

“Then what are you offering?” Loki growled. He looked up at Thor in annoyance. His face paled. Thor was bare chested and in his right hand he held a dagger, handle pointing to Loki. 

“Well?” Thor said.

“You think I won’t?” He slowly stood up and leaned forward until he was within inches of Thor’s face. His hand closed over the handle of the dagger. Again his eyes flicked back and forth over Thor’s face.

“What’s stopping you?” 

“Nothing!” Loki spat and thrust the blade toward his brother.

The dagger’s point split Thor’s skin and stopped. Thor didn’t move. He held Loki’s frantic glare in his own calm gaze. Loki’s teeth were bared and his breath came in shallow gasps. He leaned forward until his nose almost touched Thor’s. He stared into Thor’s eyes as if searching for answers. His features softened and his expression turned from anger to imploring. 

Then as suddenly as he had thrust the blade forward he jerked it back. The dagger clattered across the floor, flung from his hand as he turned his back to Thor.

“Damn you!” Loki bent his head and his steepled fingers rubbed the crease between his eyes. His shoulders shook.

Thor ignored the tiny superficial wound and gave in to impulse. He put his arms around his brother in a careful hug. This time Loki didn’t shrink away. Instead he turned and buried his face against Thor’s neck and put his arms around Thor’s waist. His fingers dug in hard enough to bruise and Thor could feel his brother’s tears against his skin. 

Thor held him. When Loki didn’t break the embrace after a few minutes he rubbed his hand up and down his back. Loki gradually stopped crying, but his breathing was still ragged and he shook every few breaths. He loosened his painful grip, though he didn’t take down his hands. Time passed and Thor went from concerned, to relieved, to a sudden awareness of how smooth his brother’s cheek felt on his shoulder, how warm his breath was against his throat and how very much he liked the long line of Loki’s body pressed against his.

Thor flushed and moved his hands to Loki’s shoulders to push him back before his body became too interested when Loki mumbled something against his throat.

“I didn’t hear you.” Thor said softly.

Loki lifted his head. “I don’t know what to do.” He hiccupped. “I can’t go home. I have no home, no family.” He raised one hand to wipe his eyes. “I’m not your brother. I’m not their son.” 

“Loki, your blood doesn’t matter. You will always be…”

“Listen to me! For once in your life listen to me!” Loki pled. “The boy you knew is dead! There is nothing left of him, but shattered memories! Don’t try to stuff me into the desiccated skin of a corpse.” 

Thor stepped back and cupped Loki’s jaw in his hand. His thumb brushed across Loki’s cheek. “Is that what you think I’m doing?”

Loki’s other hand slipped from Thor’s waist. He crossed his arms over his chest and dropped his eyes. “I don’t know. I don’t what you are doing.” His tongue brushed across his lips. “Sometimes you look at me like your enemy and sometimes like the brother you thought me.” Loki swallowed, his voice dropped into a whisper. “And sometimes like you want more from me then any brother should.”

Thor drew a sharp breath, but he didn’t take his hand from Loki’s face. His pulse thudded in his throat and he felt as if he was looking down on Loki from a great height. His fear and confusion resolved into a strange clarity. “If I did?” he asked.

Loki glanced up for a split second, then returned to examining the toes of Thor's boots. “I’d give it to you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well that's out in the open.


	8. The Feast

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An invitation taken and the consequences of assumption.

Thor tipped Loki’s chin up, searching his face for some hint of what his brother was feeling. Loki’s eyes and nose were reddened from crying and his cheeks damp from shed tears, but Thor couldn’t decipher his expression. Impulse, however, had worked once in his favor and Thor decided to try it again. He tilted his head and covered Loki’s mouth with his own. For two terrible seconds Loki tensed, then his lips softened and parted. Thor’s hand moved to cradle the back of Loki’s head and he kissed him slowly, deeply. His tongue slid past the thin lips to taste the warm, mead flavored mouth. His heart was pounding when he broke the kiss. 

Loki’s lips were still parted and his eyes closed. His tongue darted pink over his lips and Thor took it as an invitation and kissed his brother again. Harder, rougher, his other hand moving from Loki’s shoulder to his waist, to crush his brother’s slender body to his. Loki’s arms dropped to his sides and once again they were pressed from chest to hips. Thor kissed hungerly along the corner of Loki’s jaw, and down his long throat. He moved up to nuzzle his hair and nip at his earlobe. 

“Loki. Brother. I missed you so much! I thought I loved Jane, but it’s you I could not forget. I’ve loved you all along.” 

It felt so good to hold his brother close, to breathe in the scent of his hair, to feel the warmth of his body, to speak his heart aloud, that it took Thor a few minutes to notice that Loki’s response was less than enthusiastic. While he wasn’t trying to push Thor away, Loki was silent and he had not returned Thor’s passionate embrace. Troubled, Thor put his hands on Loki’s shoulders and stepped back, holding his brother at arm’s length.

Loki still held the unreadable expression.

“I,” Thor started. He fumbled for words, confused at Loki’s strange behavior. “I thought. Don’t you… Do you not…. ”

Thor furrowed his brow at Loki’s continued silence. “Talk to me!” he demanded.

Loki tilted his head. “What do you want me to say?” 

Thor raised his voice. “The truth. Do you want me to continue or not?” 

“I said I’d give you what you wanted. I haven’t changed my mind.” 

“That’s not what I asked. Do you want this?” Thor’s voice was louder and he felt Loki tense under his hands.

“What does it matter what I want?” Loki said quietly.

“What does it matter? If you don’t love me,” Thor shouted. 

“I never stopped.” Loki whispered.

Thor blinked at him. “Then show it, Loki.”

Loki’s brow wrinkled and he met Thor’s eyes. “I am. Do you want my honesty or would you have me feign a passion which I do not feel?”

Thor released Loki and backed away from him. He ran a hand through his hair. “Why didn’t you stop me?”

Loki dropped down on the love seat and rested his chin in his hand. “Why would I? You want me. That’s been obvious for years, though you refused to admit it until now. I don’t mind.”

“I don’t understand you. How can you lead me on and then act as if it means nothing to you.” Thor paced from one side of the room to the other.

“I didn’t lead you on. Yours won’t be the first cock I’ve had up my ass or down my throat, and I at least have a modicum of affection for you.”

Thor shook his head. “I just violated every taboo, for you." 

Loki rubbed the space between his eyes. “You aren’t breaking any taboos. All you are breaking are the lies we were both raised with. Stop acting as if you are making some great sacrifice, because you decided to sate your desire for me.”

“So that is all this is to you, scratching an itch?”

“Less the itching part. Yes.”

“You don’t desire me.” A statement.

Loki sighed. “I can tolerate your touch, is that not enough?”

“No.” Thor dropped down at the table and put his head in his hands. 

“It is all I can give you.”

Thor made no reply. 

After a bit Loki got up, took a bottle of tea from their supplies and returned to the Loveseat. He drank the tea, lay back down and reopened his book. It took him a while to focus his thoughts on the written words. He was midway through a sonnet when Thor spoke.

“What is so damn interesting about that book?” Thor growled.

“For one it doesn’t keep demanding my attention like a spoiled child.” Loki snapped. 

“I can’t right what is wrong, if you won’t tell what happened to you.”

Loki closed the book and laid it on his stomach. “I have told you, as much as I can tell you.” 

“You have told me nothing. All I know is there is someone out there who frightens you, as if you were the child. Is he the one who tortured you?”

“I was tested brother, not tortured. He was the balm to my wounds, the voice of reason in the midst of my madness.”

“Then why do you fear him?”

“May the blade not fear the forge that gave it birth? Or a return to the anvil should it fail its purpose? I have seen what happens to those who disappoint him and I have no desire to be remade along those lines.”

“Who is this monster? Why are you protecting him?”

“Him?” Loki picked up his book. “He needs no protecting.”

“Stop speaking in riddles.”

“Then stop asking me for what I cannot give you.”

“Cannot or will not?”

“Thor.” Loki took a deep breath. “Either kill me, fuck me or let me be so I may escape for few hours into a better place.” 

“Norns Loki, I’m not going to kill you. Nor have sex with you unwilling.”

“Nor leave me in peace it seems. And I am not unwilling. More than willing if it will buy me a few hours quiet.”

“How can you be so cold?”

“I’m a frost giant, brother.”

Thor opened his mouth. Shut it. Stared at Loki in disbelief. A snicker escaped his closed lips. 

Loki’s mouth held the ghost of a smile.

Thor’s snicker became a chuckle and then exploded into a guffaw.

Loki brought his book up to cover his mouth, but the corners of his eyes crinkled.

When Thor’s laughter finally died, the air seem clearer and a weight removed from his shoulders. Despite his erratic behavior, Thor could see Loki was still Loki under all his anger and fear and pain. Thor walked back to his brother, who watched him warily.

“What you are Loki, is a liar.” Thor said. 

He bent down, slid one arm under Loki’s back, another under his knees and picked his brother up. Loki let the book fall to the cushions and leaned into Thor. He shut his eyes. 

Loki made no objection when Thor laid him down on his bed. He neither assisted nor resisted as Thor removed his clothing. He didn’t cry out in passion or say a word to stop him when Thor kissed him again, but his lips parted to Thor’s lips. And when those same soft full lips kissed down his throat and gently brushed the scars on his chest he sighed. His hands uncurled when Thor kissed his palms. His shoulders lowered when Thor rubbed the welts on his back. His abdomen relaxed when Thor rested his bearded cheek on his belly.

He watched without expression when Thor removed his own clothing. He shut his eyes when Thor spread his legs and knelt between his thighs. His eyes flickered open when Thor lifted each foot to press a kiss to the scarred soles. Thor carefully touched each mark on him. Reverently Thor’s fingertips stroked bruises and welts and his lips were gentle on rippled burns and the white stretched taunt lines sliced into pale skin. He nuzzled the hollows of Loki’s hips, kissed up the trail of dark hair and lapped his tongue soft over Loki’s nipples. Thor once again kissed his brother’s lips, the thin ridges of scars now visible on that delicate flesh and his tears anointed Loki’s scarred eyelids.

“I love you.” Thor said cupping Loki’s chin.

Loki’s gaze searched his face, then met his eyes. “I know.” Loki said softly.

He touched Thor’s hand, nodded once and his brother’s palm was filled with a thick oily cream.

Thor let out a shivering breath and stroked the cream onto his own hardening shaft. When he would have done the same to Loki, Loki gave a slight shake of his head. Thor lifted Loki’s knees and brushed his slick fingers over the tight ring of muscle. He watched Loki’s head loll back, his eyes half closed and his breathing deepened and slowed. The ring relaxed under his fingertips and allowed their entry. Loki’s body was warm inside. For a moment Thor had half expected he would feel as cool as his demeanor. The heat drew him in and Thor replaced his stroking fingers with the head of his cock. He pressed in slowly and Loki’s body opened to take him. Thor could see that Loki was not aroused, his cock was limp on his belly and his nipples had flattened back to his chest. Loki’s eyes were languid and a half smile graced his lips. Even his stretched thighs were relaxed on Thor’s broad shoulders.

Thor rocked into Loki’s warmth, into his smooth slick grasp. He rested his weight one on hand and stroked the other in circles on Loki’s belly. 

When they were children and Loki would complain of nervous belly aches, Thor would rub his little brother’s stomach to calm him. Repeating the action now was a show of love, a way to let Loki know he was still Thor's brother no matter what had or would pass between them.

Loki shut his eyes, smiled and hummed. Thor rocked slow and steady. He bent to kiss Loki’s mouth, bending his brother nearly double to taste his lips. When he raised back up he continued the careful love making. There was no rush to completion, no aching need, only the joy of watching Loki let go of overstressed emotions. Eventually Loki was so utterly relaxed he might have been in slumber save for his soft eyes, their wide pupiled gaze fixed on Thor’s face. The rhythmic friction built on Thor's cock to a pleasant pressure, and it was with a sigh, rather than a shout that Thor pressed his hips against Loki’s buttocks and spilled his seed hot into his brother’s passage. The waves of pleasure were smoothly rolling breakers against a sandy shore. 

Loki breathed a soft whispered cry, and he smiled at Thor's panting grin.

Thor kissed Loki’s cheek, the tip of his nose, and his scarred lips one last time. Knowing his brother didn’t need to be crushed under his weight, he pulled out and rolled onto his back to catch his breath. To his surprise Loki turned onto his side, threw one arm across his chest, one leg over his thighs and lay his head on Thor’s shoulder.

“Are you alright?” Thor asked.

“No.” Loki answered. “Though I may be getting better.”

Thor freed his arm and draped his hand on Loki’s head. He puzzled over Loki’s remark long after his brother had dozed off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Loki cannot put so many things into words.  
> Thor at figured out one thing his brother was trying to say.


	9. To eat the heart of a witch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little more truth and a trip down memory lane.

Thor’s post coitus nap was broken by a word whispered into his ear. It was alarming enough to rouse him. He opened his eyes tried to bring his groggy mind to bear on it, when Loki shifted off him and sat up.

“What?” Thor said.

“I’m going to clean up.” Loki answered, rising to his feet, “and put on some fresh clothing.”

Thor noticed Loki hadn’t bothered with the glamor as he walked naked toward the bath area. 

“No. What did you say?”

“I don’t know what you are talking about.” Loki lightly replied and slipped behind the curtain. There was the sound of running water.

Thor sat up. Loki had said something to him, of that he was sure. One word, no, a name. A name from the distant past. He frowned. Something to do with Odin's vault. He remembered leaving Odin’s vault as a child. Remembered walking at his father’s side and vowing to kill all the frost giants. Odin hadn’t tried very hard to dissuade him from that path. As children he and Loki had often played at fighting the Jötnar, or reenacted the battle between Odin and Laufey, with Thor claiming the role of their father. Loki hadn’t been too keen on the game, as it forced him into the role of the defeated king, but he liked the dramatics enough to play. 

Or, Thor thought, was his brother already feeling left out enough that any role was better than none. That game had stopped the day Thor decided to be the grown up version of himself and cast Loki once again as Laufey. They had been in their mother’s garden and were at the climax of the game. Thor had raised the wooden hammer and shouted, “My father showed you mercy foul Jötun, but from Thor Odinson you shall have none! Die monster!” Their mother’s scream had startled Loki so that he turned toward her and lowered his practice sword just as Thor swung the hammer. Thor had pulled the blow at the last second but he’d still hit Loki hard enough to knock him face first into the grass.

Loki had suffered only a minor headache and a small lump on his skull, but their mother had made them both promise to not play the game again. 

“That war has been fought and enough have gone to their deaths. There is no need for you to fight it again.” She’d scolded. “You must restrain your sparring to the training grounds, where there is help at hand should either of you get hurt.”

Thor now knew why she’d been so upset. A thought occurred to him and he followed Loki’s path, stopping outside the curtain.

“Loki.” he called softly.

“Thor, your timing is impeccable.” Loki replied, sarcasm dripping from his voice.

Thor retreated to the center of the cave and waited until Loki emerged.

“Where did you put my clothes?”

“I didn’t put them anywhere, they are still by the bed.”

Loki rolled his eyes. “Clean clothes, Thor. Or did you think one set would be enough for however long we are to stay here?”

Thor pointed to the stacked chests and while Loki dressed, he washed up and then donned his own clothing. He was pulling on his boots while Loki poked through their food. 

“Did you think I would kill you?” Thor asked.

Loki turned to him with a puzzled look on his face and a half eaten sweet roll in his hand. He swallowed.

“I didn’t have much hope I could provoke you to it. But it was worth a try.” Loki answered.

Thor stopped shocked. “You wanted me to kill you?”

“Not you particularly, I thought Odin would provide the service. But since you decided to trap me here I had little choice.” He finished the roll in two bites.

“But why?”

“There are worse things than a clean death.” Loki turned his back and continued to rummage through the food. “Berry tarts. I’m beginning to think mother did intend you to bring me back.”

Thor didn’t need Loki to detail worse things. He’d seen the evidence born on his brother’s skin. “I meant when you found out that you were… adopted.” Thor said. Were you afraid I would kill you then?”

Loki took a bite of the tart and washed it down with a swallow of his tea. “What else was I to think? You’d vowed to kill them all, often enough.”

“I was wrong.”

“I don’t need to hear yet again of your newly acquired love for the frost giants because you fell in love with that mortal woman.”

“My change of heart wasn’t only because of Jane, though she did open my eyes to the prejudice we’d been raised with. It was because of you, brother. This past year I thought a lot about you. I was wrong, father was wrong and mother was wrong. You should have been told from the beginning. We should have honored your differences instead of chastising them.”

Loki finished the tart, licked his fingers and emptied the tea bottle. He shook his head.

“Was it my death that painted me in such rosy colors or are you so easily swayed by a simple indulgence that you gloss over all that I am?” He unwrapped a small iced cake and took a bite. “Though I am disappointed our little interlude wasn’t enough to fulfil the geas. We could be home seeing if Father was in the mood to play happy families, or basket, basket whose head’s in the basket?” 

“Is that why you allowed me to make love to you?” Thor couldn’t keep the hurt from his voice.

“Your mortals have a saying, eat, drink and be merry for tomorrow we die. We did the drinking earlier and I’m eating now. Would you now begrudge me the merrymaking?” He turned away and hunted out another bottle of tea, this one a pale green.

“Then it meant nothing to you.”

“As it should to you.”

Thor strode up and gripped Loki by the shoulder and forced him back around. “WHY? Why should it mean nothing? I love you!”

“You love a ghost, a dream, a fantasy. Will you break your heart over a dead man? Let it go.”

“You are not dead.”

“He is! The boy you thought you knew is dead. He died a year ago. And I will not live much longer. If you somehow succeed in taking me back to Asgard alive, Odin will be sure of that. If not him than…” Loki shuddered and looked away.

Thor studied his brother’s face. His mother’s words came to him. “He is under the hand of a powerful evil.” The one Loki would not name aloud. Who had given him a scepter that turned his eyes to blue as it had those under its power. “They were hardly my allies.” Loki said of the Chitari. A powerful evil. “He doesn’t need protecting.” Something from their childhood. A rumor of death, planets razed of all life. A traveler’s story overheard in court. Far away from the nine. A tale to shiver over in the dark. Something hidden in the void. A name to whisper, lest he hear.  
Thor remembered what Loki had said as he lay on the edge of sleep. His eyes widened. His lips parted and he stopped, remembering Loki’s frantic, “Be silent, He’ll hear you!” He recalled a history lesson half drowsed through. An old man’s cracked voice, “It is said that a sorcerer can hear his name if it is spoken aloud and he will be drawn to the one who speaks it. That is why those evil powers had so many other titles they were referred to, for example…”

“The Mad Titian.” Thor whispered.

Loki pupils contracted to pin points, his skin paled, his nostrils flared and his lips compressed into a thin line. He met Thor’s eyes and nodded. Then put his fingertips over Thor’s mouth. It was Thor’s turn to nod. When Loki took his hand down, Thor said.

“I won’t say his name. That’s why you are trying to drive me away. It’s not him you are protecting. It’s me.” 

“Don’t be so sure. I have some care for my own skin, or what’s left of it.” 

“He sent you.”

“I was the tool shaped to fetch the tesseract.” Loki laughed softly. “My metal is impure, dear brother, for once again I failed the task for which I was forged. Why would you wish more than a passing alliance with such a corrupted creature as I?” 

“You are not corrupted!”

“I was torn apart, Thor. Mind as well as body. And when I was offered a way out, a path to power and revenge against those who had betrayed and abandoned me, I took it.” He glared at Thor. “Would you have done so?”

Thor lay his hand on Loki’s shoulder. “I don’t know. Who can know how he will react in another’s trials? I cannot claim that I would have done any different had our roles been reversed. We are shaped by circumstance, Loki, by every interaction. One thread does not make a tapestry. But I know this. Our lives are woven together and together we are stronger. If my choice is to leave here alone, then brother I chose to stay.”

Loki shrugged off Thor’s hand and walked away. He spoke with his back to his brother.

“We can’t stay here forever. If nothing else the food will run out. You’ve already cleared out most of the mead. Though it’s highly possible I will smother you for your abominable snoring, long before then.”

“I do not snore.”

“You snore almost as loud as Volstagg and he once shook a rat out of the thatch by his volume alone.”

Thor chuckled. He remembered the incident and Loki was not wrong about it. The hunter’s shelter had been a decrepit shack. Between the north wind and Volstagg’s loud snorting and wheezing it was surprising the entire hut hadn’t fallen down on top of them. Fandral’s falsetto shriek when the large rat fell from the shivering rafters onto his upturned face had them laughing for days. Even Hogun had cracked a smile at the vain swordsman’s frantic efforts to scrub off any trace left behind by the frightened animal. 

“I don’t know who was more offended,” Thor said. “Fandral for being the recipient of the unexpected rodent or Volstagg for being woken out of a sound sleep by Fandral kicking him.”

“Fandral without a doubt.” Loki said. “He poured an entire canteen over his head and used half a bar of that terrible lye soap to dispel any vermin it might have been carrying. He was red faced for days from the scrubbing. Volstagg was asleep a half hour later. And snoring just as loudly as before.”

Thor sighed. “That was a good hunt.”

“It was.”

“We have wandered far off track in our reminiscence.” 

“I prefer this path.”

“I would stand with you against the one who sent you. Together we can…”

“Don’t be an idiot. You would die. And for what? The monster who attacked your mortal’s world? Or the memory of a foolish boy?”

“For you. For the brother I have here and now before me. For you, Loki. It’s a price I’m willing to pay.”

Loki whipped around and snarled. “It’s not a price I’m willing to pay.”

“Not even for mother?"

“Norns Thor.” Loki spat. “How can you ask that?”

“How can I not?” Thor said. “I cannot believe you would put your own life over hers.”

“My life?” Loki shook his head. “It’s not my life we are talking of, you great fool. My life is already forfeit.”

Thor blinked. “Mine? Then why attack earth? Why attack me.”

“The tesseract was on earth.” Loki said coldly. He face was once again that mask which Thor hated. “It would have been pointless to seek it elsewhere.”

“But you said you wanted revenge.”

Loki quirked a humorless smile. “So I did. For my imagined slights. That was your term, was it not?” 

Thor strode two steps and grabbed Loki by the shoulders. “Stop this gaming.” He shook Loki and glared. “You wanted revenge against me? Why? Tell me.”

Emotions flicked across Loki’s face and rage twisted his features. “Because you left me there! You let me fall and then you left me there. I called for you! Begged for you and you never came!” He beat his fists on Thor’s chest. “Why didn’t you come?”

Guilt surged through Thor. Odin had stopped him during those short moments on the bifrost. When Loki was lost to sight, he’d believed his brother dead, lost to the deadly forces of the vortex and the void. Why would he ask the gatekeeper to search for a dead man? But he knew why. So he could bring the body home. So that Loki could be sent to Valhalla, as he should have been and not left to drift forever in the void, shamed for the dishonor that in his pain and madness he had taken his own life. His very name forbidden.

“I thought you dead.” Thor said. But he knew it was only half the truth. “You betrayed me.” Which was closer. Thor swallowed. His eyes searched Loki’s face. “You chose death, over me.” Thor said softly. “And I hated you for it.”

Loki went still and stiff under his hands. Thor’s eyes blurred with tears. “Even after I knew what had happened to you. I hated you for running away.” His voice was barely above a whisper. “Because… because Loki… I knew it was not the secret of your birth alone that drove you to that extreme. Not only father’s refutation.” The tears were wet on Thor’s face and yet Loki’s expression was a mask, no sign of his thoughts. “Nor was it fear of my retribution, which made you let go. You were right when you said I threw you from the Bifrost. I did it with every slight, with every insult, with every disparaging word. Every time I belittled your actions, that mine would seem more important. Every time I shoved you into my shadow so I could grab the sun. I knew I had driven you to that extreme. And brother, I hated you for making me know that.”

Loki drew a ragged breath. but he said nothing, did nothing.

Thor bowed his head. “When you confronted me on that mountain, with the truth I had buried under my grief… I again hated you for it. I wanted to drag you back to Asgard in chains and let father deal with you as he wished. I wanted to be vindicated for treating you so poorly, long before you had done anything to deserve it.”

Thor waited for his brother’s scathing judgement. Loki’s low laugh made him cringe.

“Oh come now, Thor. This self-flagellation serves neither of us. First you would have me be an unmitigated villain, then you would set me up as an infallible saint. Have you forgotten the time I shaved Sif’s head when you were all passed out after the victory celebration of the battle of Medgar's Bridge?”

Thor took a relieved breath. “She did make a nasty comment about your choice of companion.”

“Who was, in all honesty, just as loathsome as she said he was. Something I already knew. I just didn’t like her pointing out my poor taste. Do you remember the time I slipped a tincture of lank flower into Fandral’s drink and ruined all his amorous adventures for a month and stained his reputation for a year.”

Thor chortled remembering his conceited friend’s misfortune. “He had been bragging overmuch if I recall. Though referring to him as floppy Fandral, was going a little too far.”

It was Loki’s turn to chuckle. “It wasn’t I who came up with that moniker. That was bestowed by one of his unimpressed ladies.”

Thor grinned. “I seem to remember Reticent Rolf once had the impression that Hogun was secretly courting him. Something about gifts from Vanaheim that kept turning up outside his quarters. I don’t suppose you had anything to do with that did you?”

Loki smiled. “It was so difficult to implant any idea into that thick head of Rolf’s but once he got one in there it was almost impossible to get out.”

“How many times” Thor said, “did he pointedly mention that he no time for romance in Hogan’s presence? Or say that he appreciated Hogun as a fellow fighter.”

“Countless.”

“Then when he started ‘returning’ the gifts, Hogun was sure that Olvaerr was trying to court _him_. But he was too polite to confront him about it.”

“If you hadn’t interfered and told Hogun you saw me looking over that very set of ivory game pieces, I could have had them married by Yule.”

“Now that would have been a cruel trick.”

“Oh come now Thor. They would have spent their lives quite happily together, each convinced the other man hosted an undying love for them and both too emotionally constipated to question each other about it.” 

Thor smiled. “That may have been a possibility, however…”

“Do you recall the time…”

“Loki. I know you are trying to distract me.” 

Loki pulled away and walked back to poke without interest at their provisions. “You were assisting. Why stop? It’s a pleasanter subject then the one you insist on beating into the ground. I’m not found of soul baring. Neither mine nor yours.”

“We need to speak of this.”

“No Thor. We do not. Your desire is not my need. I thought we had already settled that. Settled it rather intimately, I thought.”

“Asgard must be warned.” Thor said, disregarding Loki’s jab. “If the Titian is on the move again, we must prepare to meet him in battle.”

Loki shook his head, but it seemed more in weariness. “He won’t listen, nor will he believe. The Mad Titian who lays waste to worlds to win the love of his Mistress Death, is a myth to frighten children. He was defeated long ago. Sent to his death as the Dark Elves were. Sooner would Odin trust in their return from the grave. Especially if I am the one baring the tale.”

“Then we must convince him of the truth, show him…”

“Show him what Thor?” Loki's anger flared. “Would you have me strip naked and display the shame of my capture to all the court? Shall I listen to their jeers that I fell to the threat of a little pain? Do you believe for an instant they would give my words more weight if they thought I was coerced by fear? You know it would only lend weight to their belief I was a coward and a liar."  
Loki tossed his hair back and added. "Besides, I was not tortured into submission. I was tested and found strong enough to be his ally. I aligned myself willingly Thor. I wanted your precious earth to fall. I wanted to strip you of all you cared for. I wanted my kingdom and I wanted it wrested from your grasp. The one I was born to rule. The one you usurped from me.”

Again Thor looked past Loki's bluster, and saw his true pain. “You are not weak brother, far from it. I have known for some time that would have made a better king than I. You still would. I have neither your cleverness nor ruthlessness.”

Loki stared unbelieving at Thor. “Do you think father would approve your choice of succession?” 

“I don’t care what he thinks.”

“Well that’s new. In the past you took every word that fell from his lips as revealed truth. Stay much longer in my company, and I’ll have you plotting insurrection.”

“It wouldn’t take much.”

Loki snorted. “You don’t mean that.”

“So now you,” Thor said, “would tell me, what I mean.” He ran a hand through his hair. “He has not been himself of late. His temper is uncertain.”

“That is not new. What’s new is you were his target when I was not available.”

“There’s more. He sees plots everywhere.”

“He’s always been suspicious. A king has to be.”

“It’s more than that. He looks at me as if I mean to betray him.” Thor raised his hand before Loki could interrupt again. “His memory is failing. His decisions are erratic. His mind wanders sometimes his words are without meaning. The Jarls are starting to notice and mother is worried.”

“Did the Sleep not restore him?”

“He would not return to it after, after you fell. I think his mind was too disturbed at first.”

“So you would lay his failing at my doorstep. He’d put it off so long before because you were not ready to take the throne.”

“I’m not blaming you Loki. I’m telling you what happened. As time passed he became more set against it, as if there is something he has to guard against and cannot risk the helplessness of the Sleep.”

“He’s not wrong there.” Loki tilted his head. “But this is foolishness. What good will he do Asgard in such a state? Why have you and mother not insisted on him resting? Forced him if need be.”

“Mother is wary of hurting his pride and I… Loki he would never forgive me for taking the throne without his blessing.”

“To Niflhel with his pride and his forgiveness. Asgard is at stake and you both dither over offending the feelings of an old man. That our world would face the Titian not fully prepared I knew, but when he comes for the Tesseract, for its defenses to be in the hands of a drooling senile is not acceptable. We must return Thor, and we must return now.”

“But you said you wouldn’t submit to…”

“I’d publicly kiss his wrinkled old arse if I thought it would save Asgard. Did you think I would allow our people to be slaughtered to salve my pride? I am a Prince and once was King of Asgard. I know my responsibilities cannot be set aside for my personal comfort. I hoped you would understand that someday.” 

“I love you.” Thor said simply, and took Loki’s hand.

Loki closed his fingers around his brother’s and rested his forehead on Thor’s. “And I love you. But even love must be set aside, in service to the crown.”

“I know.” Thor said sadly, and cupping the back of his brother’s head, kissed him.

The gloom of the cave brightened into the golden light of Asgard’s summer. Stone was replaced by soft green grass and birdsong trilled through the flower scented air.  
But more warming then the sun was their mother’s greeting. 

“Welcome home my sons.” Frigga said smiling, her eyes sparkling with tears of joy and her arms spread wide to hug them both.

“Ymir’s balls!” Thor swore, pulling her into their embrace. “I’ve left Mjölnir in the cave.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thor is tenacious and won't be turned aside. Loki is frantic to keep him from rushing headlong into a doomed battle with Thanos. Especially as Loki is sure his fate is already sealed.  
> But Loki is, above all else, a Prince of Asgard, and sworn to its protection. Even Thor must come second.  
> To love, to be willing to acknowledge that love and to bind their hearts together in a goal greater, than their own personal desire.


	10. Broken Bones

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Back in Asgard.

To Thor’s disappointment Loki slipped out of his arms and stepped back from their mother’s approach. Leather armor materialized in place of the casual tunic and pants. Thor noticed Loki’s scars had again disappeared behind illusion.

Frigga hugged Thor alone as if that was her intent, and bowed her head toward Loki. 

“Loki.” She said. She held out one hand, her expression one of entreaty. 

“Mother.” Loki said, He returned the bow, but kept his distance. “I thought we were to return to my old rooms. It seems I was mistaken. No doubt Odin has noticed my arrival and will soon join us. It shan’t take him long to round up a contingent of guards. Unless you already have them standing by.”

“My son, have you forgotten this is my private garden? No one may enter by path or magic or vision unless I choose to allow them in. You are safe here.”

Loki looked puzzled for a moment. He turned in a circle looking around as if only now truly noticing where they were. “Of course. Stupid of me to forget.” His voice changed in that moment from coldly aloof to something vulnerable, and when he once again faced Frigga that vulnerability was in his expression.

“Mama?” 

Frigga flew to him and this time Loki didn’t retreat, but buried his face in her hair when she hugged him. For long minuets there was no sound as they held each other. Thor looked on awkwardly, unsure what to do.

“It was so dark. I tried to find you. I tried.” Loki said, breaking the silence.

“I know Loki, I searched for you also.” 

Loki suddenly stiffened. “Did you?” His voice was icy again and Frigga leaned back to look into her son’s face.

“Yes. I knew you had not died.”

Loki took a step back and held his mother at arm’s length. A cruel smile crept over his face. “Ah, but you were wrong mother. I did die. I died and was buried and rotted in my grave. What you see in before you is the draugar of your son.”

Thor started forward.

“NO!” Frigga said sharply. “I will not lose you again.” 

Loki jerked back as if he’d been slapped. He looked from Frigga to Thor and back again. “It’s too late.” He whispered.

“It is not too late Loki.” Frigga said softly. “You will find your way home.”

“I don’t have a home!”

“Yes you do.” Thor said and put his arms around his brother. “Right here.” Loki slumped back against Thor’s chest, breathing hard. Frigga took his hand and squeezed it. 

He closed his eyes and then slowly opened them. “I’m afraid,” he said, “I shall be more liability then help. You should turn me over to Odin.”

“No.” Thor said.

“If you do not, you will be labeled a traitor.” Loki straightened up and fussed straightening his coat. “Don’t worry. I doubt he’ll kill me out of hand. He’ll want the pomp of a trial so he can show all of Asgard how badly I’ve wronged him.”

“You think too poorly of your father.” Frigga said.

“My father is dead. By my hand if you recall. Odin sent Thor to bring me here a prisoner. Tell me mother, does he intend to throw me a hero’s feast? Or will I finally be honored with a funeral?”

Frigga twisted her hands together. “Loki you must not confront your father. You know badly he will react. Can you not reconcile…”

“No.” 

“Brother,” Thor said, reclaiming Loki’s attention. “We didn’t come here to argue with mother about father. There are larger things at stake. Mother, you were right. Loki was influenced by a great evil. One who will turn his attention to Asgard, now that we hold the Tesseract.”

“Have a care, Thor.”

Thor nodded. "He is known as the one who courts Lady Death and lays waste to entire worlds to gain her favor.”

Frigga stiffened and her skin paled. “No. That creature is dead. He was cast into the void ages ago.”

“That is no guarantee of a permanent ending, as I can attest.” 

“Oh my son.”

“Save your pity for one who wants it.” Loki snapped.

Frigga flinched and Loki turned away, hiding his expression from them both.

“That was uncalled for.” Thor growled.

Loki’s shoulders raised and then dropped with a sigh. “You are right. It was.” He looked at Frigga and she gave him a tentative smile. He nodded. “Mother, it would be best if you could retrieve my restraints before calling for the Einherjar. Or Thor may be joining me in whatever punishment Odin has cooked up.”

“You would allow him to take you?” Thor asked.

Loki eyed his mother warily before answering Thor. “Yes for the time being. You need to be free to act and seen as clear of my influence. Once I am out of the way, mother must put him back in the Sleep if there is to be any hope of his recovery at all. When you are regent you can start preparations to meet the armies of Sanctuary.”

Frigga looked worriedly at Loki and then she nodded. “I will see Odin listens to reason, you need not fear for your life.” She spread her hands wide and a golden glow spread into a small circle. When she closed them Mjölnir, the muzzle and the shackles all appeared at her feet. 

She touched Loki’s shoulder, patted Thor’s cheek and walked the winding path back to the palace. They could hear the door to the royal quarters open and close.

Loki picked up the shackles and closed them about his wrists. He handed the muzzle to Thor. 

“You will have to operate this, it isn’t keyed to me. You must treat me as a hated captive. Otherwise the people may think you have been compromised by our association.”

“I’ll not let father imprison you. You have suffered too much already.”

“This is not about me. I will do well enough. Mother seems to be adept at furnishing a comfortable cage. The dungeons are warded like Odin’s vault. I should be safe there from the Titian’s gaze. With any luck, it will take him some time to find where both his prizes are hidden.”

“But what of us?” Thor asked and then he flushed.

“You’ll need to consult with me on how to counter my former associate.” Loki grinned. “I’m sure you can arrange any conjugal visits under the guise of interrogation.” 

The sound of the door opening was followed by the noise of running booted feet.

“Quickly Thor.” Loki hissed.

Thor grabbed the back of Loki’s neck, kissed him hard and then slapped the muzzle over Loki’s surprised mouth. 

The Einherjar came around the last bend of the path and surrounded them. Thor practically threw his brother into their grasp. They wrestled Loki to the ground and wrapped him in chains. Odin swept up regally behind his guards. 

“Good. You have secured the traitor.”

“Yes.” Thor said shortly. He was breathing hard from suppressed emotion and his fists clenched in anger. Loki’s eyes crinkled at the corners in response. Thor knew he was smiling behind the muzzle and it further infuriated him. 

Odin clapped him on the shoulder. “You have put duty first as I knew you would. You shall make an excellent king someday my son.” 

“I am in no hurry to claim a throne, father. I seek only to serve you.”

Thor saw Loki roll his eyes and frowned at his brother. “What will you do with him?”

“He shall meet a traitor’s end as the law prescribes.”

Thor’s mouth was set in a hard line. “It is as he deserves, but won’t the jarls demand a trial?”

“His offence was against me and I have judged him guilty. There is no need for a trial. Only the sentencing. Come Thor, we shall soon have this foul business concluded and can put this incident in the past.” 

Odin turned away, his hand on Thor’s arm. Thor sent a worried glance at his brother and he saw Loki’s eyes were wide with shock. Then Loki's expression blanked and when the guards pulled the chains he stumbled after them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things are moving along, if not all together according to plan. Loki is about as stable as a stack of marbles in an earthquake, Thor is worried sick, Frigga may be in denial and Odin is treading a familiar path.


	11. Illusions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki learns a thing or two.

Loki had regained his composure by the time they entered the Palace. He would not be dragged through his former home like a wayward hound. His back was straight and his stride was a saunter, now it was the guards that had to keep pace with him. He caught a glimpse of his mother, her face pale and her eyes worried. He gave her a slight dip of his head and her hand came up and covered her mouth. She passed from his sight as the procession left the narrow passage and crossed into the public central hall. Here they stopped while Odin gave the guards directions. Thor was apparently trying to pass on some instructions to Loki behind Odin’s back, but as they consisted of indecipherable grimaces and head tilts, Loki looked away and concentrated on hearing Odin’s instructions. He hoped that Thor wasn’t going to try something stupid, which would get him too locked up.

“…there an hour before sunset.” Odin said. Abruptly he turned and led Thor across the central hall toward the throne room. Loki’s guards took him to the left and down two flights of stairs to the holding cells. These were temporary rooms close to the court and throne room and designed to put the fear of the law into any miscreants. Unlike the permanent cells of the dungeons they offered only 4 walls and a corner toilet. Loki was shoved inside the small space and his chains fastened to rings on each wall. 

The door was shut taking away all but a thin line of light at the bottom. Loki heard the heavy bar fall and breathed a sigh of relief. Not a single guard had checked his shackles, too eager to wrap him in the false security of the chains. They, like the muzzle, required Thor’s hand to lock and Thor had not touched them. Loki shook the shackles from his wrists and once again his seidr rushed in a heady wave to fill his body and mind. He opened his fingers and revealed a strand of Thor’s hair, plucked during that hurried kiss. Loki carefully coiled the hair around his fingertip and then pressed the hair against the release with a touch a power and the muzzle dropped into his palm.

His magic made quick work of locks never made to hold a sorcerer. Loki then locked them to each other. He made the doppelganger to take his place just in time, for he heard footsteps approach his cell and he vanished at the sound of the viewing portal being activated. The guard captain looked in, met his double’s furious glare and shuddered at the malevolence in the captive prince’s eyes. He never noticed the mouse that squeezed under the door and climbed the back of his boot.

Loki clung to the captain’s boot as he went up the stairs and crossed the central hall. When he turned toward the guard’s mess, Loki dropped off and scampered toward a woman with a bundle of papers in her hand. Her low skirts were easy enough to latch onto and she took him up another flight of stairs to the clerk’s offices. Here Loki, who had climbed over her ample rump to perch on the back of her waist, waited until she entered the open gallery and leaped. The mouse became a magpie and fluttered out between the pillars into the sky. 

The position of the sun told him it was just past noon. He had seven hours of freedom before anyone would miss him, unless they entered the holding cell and touched the illusion. Loki doubted anyone would. It was gratifying to see how frightened they were of him. He considered simply leaving. Thor had his warning of Thanos, and Frigga would believe him even if Odin didn’t. It wasn’t as if the people of Asgard deserved his help. For the most part they had not treated him with the deference he deserved, much less the adoration they poured on his brother. He doubted it would be any different should he stay and help Thor. He flew higher. He had every reason to leave them to their fate. If he did stay Thor would think it was for him, the sentimental fool. As if Loki wasn’t a prince, as if he too hadn’t made the same vow to protect Asgard as Thor had. As if he could turn his back on years of training and duty and loyalty to his people when they were in danger. He may not like them, nor they he, but that didn’t change their mutual obligations. 

Loki angled around the back of the building and landed on a balcony railing. The room beyond was lined with tapestries and a large loom stood warped and ready to begin yet another. A man and a woman were arguing. Loki preened his feathers and listened to the conversation, one participant roaring in fury and one speaking low in a cold lethal rage.

“I will not change my mind. I have given out the decree. He has defied me, he has committed treason and for that, he will be executed at sunset.”

“I will not allow it.”

“Wife, do you also mean to defy to me? Traitors must pay the price for treason. I gave him a chance for life and he turned against me. I will not hear another word.”

Loki watched Odin stalk across the room with black magpie eyes. The door slammed just inches from Odin's bearded face.

“Odin Borrson, I was but a child when your daughter led an army against you and was killed in battle. Her bloodthirsty nature seemed reason enough for you to stop her. When you returned from war with an abandoned baby, I followed your instruction that he be raised as our own and ignorant of his race so he would never feel unwanted. I believed you when you told me you sent Thor to earth to cool his blood, so he would not take the same dark path Hela had. But if you try to kill my youngest child, yes my child, for all that he was born on Jötunheim, I swear to you, you shall see this kingdom torn from the silver mountains to the falling sea, and your legacy shall be only as a curse in the mouths of the Aesir.”

“You would throw the nine into chaos for the sake of a traitor?”

“I would cut down Yggdrasil with an ax for the sake of my children. Do not fool yourself husband. You cannot kill Loki without destroying Thor. He will not stand by and let you send his brother to his death. Is your need to salve your pride so great you will risk facing us in battle?”

“You do not understand. I must do this. I should have never brought him here. But I felt the power in him and I could not leave such a weapon in Laufey’s hands. It was better to raise him here. In time to have one loyal to Asgard rule from Jötunheim’s throne. I thought he was only an undersized child. When he took so easily to that form, so resembling her as an infant, I thought that I would have a second chance to make it right. I didn’t know then that he carried her taint. But now I can see her eyes in his face, sly, lying, watching me. Waiting for me to fail. His actions declare she has returned.”

“Her? Hela?” Frigga said. ”You think Loki is your daughter Hela?”

“Of course Hela. Who else conspired against me when I would not further her ambitions? Who else would have the power to send her dead soul into one of Laufey’s brood? I should have dashed his brains out on the altar with the rest of his kind. He is Hela and she means to end me through him. I can hear her whispering, always whispering and waiting.” The anger that had marked Odin’s face was replaced with fear.

Loki flattened against the railing as if a hawk had swooped overhead. His beak opened in an almost voiceless squawk and he panted, his tiny heart pounding in his frail body as he unraveled his Odin’s words.

Frigga glanced toward the balcony and then back to Odin. “You never told me.” Frigga said softly and all the fire seemed to have drained from her. She walked quietly to Odin.

“I didn’t want to burden you.” Odin said and touched her hair. “I had hoped never to trouble you with my past.”

Frigga raised her hands and touched her husband’s face and her fingers carded through his hair. “It is not the past which troubles me.” Her voice was as soothing as her hands. “The past is long gone, long dead and buried. Let go of the past, my love.”

Deftly she twined a braid into his grey locks while he gazed into her eyes.

“let go…” Odin echoed. 

“It is the future we must consider. The future of our people, the future of our boys.”

“our boys…”

“Yes, our sons.”

“our sons…”

“Thor and Loki…”

“Loki.” Odin’s brow furrowed. “Loki has…”

“Loki has caused some trouble. I know my love. He should be punished.”

“Loki… trouble… punished…”

“As Thor was punished when he caused trouble.”

“Thor… caused...”

“But not banished. That will not do for Loki. He would only find more mischief to get into would he not? Loki is very mischievous.” 

Odin smiled. “he is mischievous…”

“A stay in the dungeons would better suffice. That way he’ll know you are serious.”

“ I am serious.”

“Then my love you can rest safe knowing he will cause no trouble from his cell. I know you are tired.”

“I am tired.” Odin yawned.

“Let Thor take the burden of the throne while you rest.” Frigga took her hands down. “Thor will be a good king.”

“Thor **will** be a good king.” Odin said firmly. He smiled and kissed Frigga’s hair. “I must first deal with his brother though. A month in the dungeons for attacking Thor’s Midgard should teach him to cast aside his foolish rivalry and leave his brother’s possessions alone. Thor would be too lenient.” Odin rubbed his forehead. “Or too harsh. Heimdall tells me he is still pining after his mortal girl.”

“You need not worry about that any longer. He has turned his attention back to his home.”

“I am glad to hear it.” Odin yawned again. “I shall rest for now. Don’t worry so. All this will soon be behind us, my dear.” They kissed a second time and Odin left, his footsteps fading down the hall.

Frigga shut the door behind her and hurried out to the balcony. She scooped the frightened magpie into her hands and held it to her breast. “You should not have come here!”

The bird spread its wings and then Loki reclaimed his Aesir shape. He put his hands on Frigga’s shoulders and held her at arm’s length. ”But had I not, I should not have seen such a wonderful demonstration of your power. It was truly impressive.” His eyes were too bright and his smile too wide. “Nor learned that father had yet another rebellious child.” His grin became vicious. “Won’t Thor be pleased to know that he, not I, is the second born?”

His laugh started as a sharp bark and ended in a broken sob and he wrenched away from his mother and returned to the balcony and rested his hands on the sun warmed stone and looked over the city.

“Is that what I am? The reincarnation of his dead daughter? A draugr? Or do I carry her very blood in my veins? Am I son or grandson, mother? Have I damned my brother even more?”

“Loki, don’t be foolish. You are yourself alone. Hela died two thousand years before you were born. I have put up with enough dramatics from your father today. I don’t need any more from you.” 

Loki shook his head. “Mother, you judge what you do not know.” 

He heard her moving about behind him while he fought to regain his self control. He’d managed to quell the rising hysteria when Frigga joined him on the balcony. She carried two goblets and placed one on the railing next to Loki’s hand.

“The wine will help calm our nerves. It has been a trying day so far.” 

Frigga sipped the wine and she too gazed out over the golden city.

“Asgard is a beautiful, peaceful land." she said. "But it was not always so. Like many kingdoms, her greatness was forged in fire and blood. The Aesir are not warriors by custom alone and not all the wars have been just. Your father has been trying to change that. But the roots of conquest are deep my son, and his past still haunts his dreams of a better life for the nine.”

Loki raised the glass and let the wine fill his mouth with a taste of fall. He shut his eyes, swallowed took another drink and then lowered the goblet.

“Why did he craft this semblance of mine, to so look like the daughter he hated? What had I done to him, that I should become a living reminder of his failure?” 

“Loki, I don’t think he did so alone. Even as a child your shapeshift was powerful.”

“Then you blame me for feeding his delusion?"

“No. You were an innocent baby, dying and defenseless. I think he remembered his daughter, torn from the womb of her murdered mother, frail and cold and struggling for breath when he found them. I believe he gave you that form unconscious he was doing so, and you made it your own to survive.”

“Am I so similar to her?”

“In nature you resemble her not at all, for she took great pleasure in killing and in the suffering of others. As to her appearance I cannot say, for I only saw her from afar and with the eyes of a child. But you look enough like Odin did as a young man, that no one ever questioned your birth.”

Loki shot her an alarmed glance and she touched his cheek. “Don’t worry, you carry none of his blood. Children will not be a problem.”

Loki narrowed his eyes and looked at Frigga, wondering how much she knew or guessed. “Children? I’m afraid I don’t know what you are talking about.”

“I don’t disapprove.” She said. 

“Disapprove of what mother?”

“Of you and Thor.” 

Loki turned away to gaze over the city. “There is nothing between Thor and I, save what has always been.”

“My son, you always lie best when you speak the truth. I am not blind. Your brother is not adept at hiding his emotions and I know you well enough to see you also have finally acknowledged what is between you.”

“We did more than acknowledge it, we consummated it.” Loki said savagely. He drained the wine and considered throwing the goblet into the city in a fit of pique. He set it on the railing instead.

“If you expect me to be shocked, remember I was born on Vanaheim. We have historical precedence for sibling marriage.” Frigga placed her hand over Loki’s. “My only worry is, do you regret your choice?”

Loki shook his head. “I… I don’t know. Perhaps, perhaps not. It is too soon to tell.” He turned to her, desperate to change the subject. “Have you been influencing Odin like that for long?”

“It was the first time I have used my power against him. I would not and could not, had he been himself. Yet had he been himself, there would have been no need for me to do so. You could see he is not well.”

“I could see he is paranoid and hallucinating. Which means he is a danger to Asgard".

Frigga nodded, drained her glass and led him back into her weaving room, closing the balcony doors behind her. Loki refilled his goblet and took a seat on the divan. Frigga sat down at the loom, picked up a shuttle wrapped in black thread and said; 

“Now my son, I need you to tell me all you can, of the one who imprisoned you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think Frigga really didn't know how far gone Odin was. He plays his cards very close to his chest and would out of habit, conceal any weakness, even from his own wife. Did he have reasons and reasons for taking Loki? Undoubtedly. Does he love him? Yes or else Frigga would not have been able to sway him back to a more reasonable frame of mind. But he's still a crappy dad even if he does have the excuse of a failing mind for his present actions.


	12. The devouring flame

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki speaks. Frigga listens.

“How long will the spell hold?” Loki asked.

“He is not under a compulsion. I have brought him back to himself. How long he will remain I cannot say. His fear has been growing for years under the surface.”

“Not that far down. He’s always looked at me with suspicion.”

“His wounds are deep.”

“And mine are not?” 

“Loki, you are a young man, with a young man’s resiliency. Your father is an old man, with an old man’s fear and regrets.”

“So quick to leap to his defense.”

“And yours. You are not without fault.”

“You have no idea.” Loki cut in. 

He pressed his lips together as if to hold back any further words and rose to his feet to look out the tall windows. Frigga gave his back a measuring look. 

“No I do not. Not when you hide yourself from me.”

“Do you seek to pry out my secrets? Or are you attempting to also tame me to your hand?”

“If you mean to arm Asgard against invasion, then you must give me something to work with. I am not your adversary.”

“Are you not? Perhaps I have changed my mind. Why not let this overblown monument to his ego fall? What has Asgard done for me that I should raise a finger in her defense? Why not let them choke on their own blood. Do you think I have forgotten their slights and insults? I would dance among their bones.”

Frigga put down the shuttle, walked to Loki and placed her hands on his shoulders.

“Those are not the words of the man who held the throne while his father lay sleeping, and engineered Jötunheim’s defeat while his own world was falling apart.”

“That man is dead.”

“No. He is wounded but he is not dead. You are still a prince of Asgard. You are still my son. More importantly, you are still yourself Loki.”

“Am I?” He said softly, then with a snarl “AM I?” He spun and his face was ugly with rage as he stripped away the illusion, and then more than the illusion as his Asier form melted away and he glared down at her with red gleaming eyes. “See what has come back wearing the shape of your son. See the monster you once held to your breast. Tell me mother, do you yet love this beast?”

“With all my heart.” She said cupping his scarred face in her hands.

His crimson eyes searched her face and then he suddenly pulled away from her. Tears ran down his face and he shook his head backing away.

“DON’T LIE TO ME!” Loki shouted and magic wreathed his hands in green.

She followed. His back hit the wall and he looked at her with terror in his eyes, and raised his hands as if to strike. Yet when her smaller hands closed over his, he let the seidr fade. 

“You are my son, Loki. There is nothing that will ever change that, not your birth, nor your actions and certainly not your words. I have not always made the best choices, but never doubt, that I love you.”

Loki shut his eyes and shuddered out a breath. His body returned to the familiar Aesir shape he’d worn all his life. He did not restore the glamour. Neither of them needed that lie. He swallowed, straightened and ran a hand through his hair. When he opened his eyes, the fear was replaced with a calmer expression, though the effort it took was plain in his tone.

“I believe you were asking for information.”

Frigga squeezed his hands. “There is the prince.” She released her hold and returned to her seat at the loom. “If you feel you are up to it.”

“It seems I must be, doesn’t it?” 

“And there is the man worthy of Asgard’s throne.”

Loki shot her an incredulous glance, but didn’t comment. He paced as he spoke.

“The mad one is without mercy or kindness in any measure, but he is not wantonly cruel for cruelty’s sake.” He raised his hand to cut off any interruptions. “You are not as foolishly sentimental as Thor. You will understand when I say I had to be broken to be re-forged to his purpose and…” Loki took a deep breath and a hint of pride crept into his voice. “… I am not an easy man to break.”

“Nor one to long stay broken.” Frigga said as she worked the shuttle back and forth, weaving rows of rusty black entwined with dull red. 

“We shall see.” Loki said, but he stood straighter and spoke with more confidence. “He is highly intelligent. His mad obsession does not cause him to run risks, if anything it fuels his caution. He uses agents to do his will, some of which are his so called children, the warped survivors of planets he has slaughtered. They are another factor that must be addressed, and are formidable in their own right. He is physically strong, and psychically shielded. Whether on his own or from his pet wizard, I could not ascertain. He is extremely good at convincing others that what they wish to believe, is the truth. His followers are fanatical and neither evidence nor reason will sway them from whatever goal he sets for them.” 

Loki paused to again look out over Asgard. He rolled his shoulders and stretched his neck to either side. Suddenly he tossed his head back, threw out his arms and flung out his hands, fingers spread. It was a violent action and Frigga half rose from her chair. But Loki mastered the emotion or memory that had triggered the reaction before she could move. He dropped his arms to his side and blew out a breath. Frigga sat back down and picked up her shuttle. She was halfway through the next row when he turned back to her. 

“I’m still not certain which of my memories are the truth." Loki said. "You must not rely on me in battle. I may yet be under his influence. I may even be giving you false information.” 

“Even lies tell something of the liar.” Frigga said. She picked up a strand of deep green and added it to the pattern. “I hear more fear of being his creature, then any proof that you are.”

“I urge care Mother. Do not let wishful thinking be your downfall.”

“I heard that line from your father and disregarded it when he said it. Pray continue and let me be the judge of your words.”

Loki nodded and told her all he knew of the Titan’s quest for the infinity stones and his ultimate plan to lay waste to half the universe so that he lay the slaughter at death’s feet like a bouquet. For two hours Loki spoke and paced, and Frigga questioned and wove. When it was over he slumped, exhausted in a chair. Frigga pulled a cover over the loom and rang the bell for a servant. When the knock on her door came she opened it only enough to give an order for lunch.

As they ate she spoke of lighter things. Loki listened without comment, content to let her voice wash over him in a semblance of the past. He knew she was trying to sooth his jangled nerves, and he let her. He was too tired to fight. He wasn’t even sure anymore why he'd been fighting her.

The afternoon light told him it was time to return to his cell. He allowed her to hug him and tuck his hair back behind his ears. Then with more effort than it should take, he once again took the shape of a magpie and dropped from the balcony to swoop down the side of the tower and into the main hallway. He dropped to the floor by the holding cell stairway, pecked at the ground as if for fallen crumbs and hopped into the shadow of the wall. He transformed back into a mouse and scampered down the stairs. Halfway down he dove behind a newel post at the sound of footsteps.

"I don't see why you couldn't let me in for a few moments." Thor said, trudging up the steps. "He is securely chained. Even were he free, he would be no danger to me."

"The All-father said no one was to be allowed in, Your Highness." The guard captain answered. "I did all I could, by allowing you to see him." 

They went on up, Thor complaining all the while. 

Loki raced down the last few steps, thankful that the man had followed orders. Had Thor entered his cell and tried to touch the illusion, his absence would be revealed. He crept along the wall until he was opposite his cell. A guard was pacing back and forth in front of the barred and locked room. Loki waited until the man faced away and then he raced across the passage for the narrow gap under the door. His luck chose that moment to depart, for the guard noticed him and he narrowly dodged a heavy booted foot meant to crush him. He scampered around the guard and the other boot caught him a kick in the ribs that sent him flying into the door. He dropped to the floor and barely managed to squirm through the crack, as the guard tried to stomp him a second time. 

“Nasty vermin.” The guard commented. 

Loki panted and cursed. The kick had hurt. Had he been the mouse he looked, he’d have been dead. As it was, his side felt bruised from his shoulder to his hips. He waited to see if the man was going to check inside the cell, but the guard's dislike of rodents didn’t extend to drawing the attention of his glaring charge. Even Loki had to admit his doppelganger looked imposing, as his own arrival had drawn its furious attention. He took a few more minutes to rest, before letting go of the mouse shape and taking his illusion’s place. From now until Odin called for him, there would be no more resting. As he fastened the chains around his waist Loki prayed that Frigga was right. He didn't have the strength to stage another escape.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still touchy, mercurial and pushing himself to the limits of his newly returned magic. He had planned on lying low when he realized Odin intended to execute him. But after seeing how Frigga dealt with Odin he decided to trust her.  
> I'm not going into the particulars of the rest of their talk. I'm no strategist, and this was supposed to be a recovery story not a war story. Oops.


	13. Lifting the Cat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thor voices his concerns. Loki listens to his fears. Odin sees the truth.

Thor paced back and forth in his mother’s chambers.

“Father won’t see me, Loki only glared at me and now you tell me to trust you and to leave them both alone. Don’t you understand? Father means to have Loki put to death at sunset! How can you sit there weaving and let that happen?”

“Thor, your father will do no such thing. As I said, I have spoken with him and he means only to teach Loki a lesson, not harm him.”

“Then why can’t I hear it from his lips?”

“Because my son, not all problems must be met head on. You father does not like to have his decisions questioned. If you mean to confront him, you will only force him to defend his first angry impulse. Let him come to a wiser decision on his own.”

“And if he does not? How can I trust my brother’s life to father‘s wisdom? You know what he is like now.”

“Better then you do, Thor. He was deeply wounded by your brother’s loss, and he reacts to pain by lashing out at the source of his hurt. Not unlike his sons. Give him a few hours to make peace with his grief, as you did.”

“I can’t lose him again.” Thor said. He stopped pacing and ran his hand through his hair. “I can’t mother. Loki means the world to me.”

“Can you see this green thread? How it started entangled with black? Can you see how this red and gold thread has pulled it out of that shadow? How the darkness has been replaced with a bit of gold? How the two move together and apart yet moving closer and closer until they reflect each other’s movement through the tapestry? This is your brother and yourself.”

“I can see more of that darkness reaching for him again, mother. And my thread is moving away from him.”

“Yet he still holds your light. There is no place for that darkness to grow greater, as long as you believe in him.”

“Loki is not the one I don’t believe in.” Thor said. 

Frigga turned and looked at her son. She held up the red thread and Thor could see there was a strand of black mixed in with the scarlet and gold. 

“Do not allow this to grow, Thor. You have reason to mistrust your father. He has not been himself of late. You brother also is injured and his mind sees lies and danger where there are none. I understand you doubting him, when he doubts himself. But what reason do you have to mistrust me?”

“You didn’t believe father was going to harm him before mother and yet Loki is chained in the holding cells, with a charge of traitor hanging over his head. Why should I trust your judgement now?”

“Do you think I, who nursed him at my breast, who raised him from infancy and through every childhood difficulty, who wiped his tears and sang away his nightmares and listened to his sorrows and shared his joys, who taught him to control and wield his power, I who knew your brother yet lived when no one else believed, who created a place of refuge and a way to bring him home safely, do you honestly thing I would stand by and allow my child to be put to death? If he had razed a thousand planets to barren earth I would yet defend him. As I would you. Now stop this worrying and give me your promise you will keep your words to yourself until Loki’s sentencing is over.”

“But, mother what if…”

“Loki has so promised and he has as much, if not more at stake.”

“You spoke to Loki? The guards said I was his only visitor.”

“Do you think so little of magic? There is not a place in the nine that I could not find my sons should it be necessary.”

“Except for a certain cave.” Thor said. He shook his head. “Very well you have my word. I won’t say anything against father’s judgement during the sentencing. But I will not stand by and let Loki be executed.”

“Nor shall I, my son.” She rose from her seat when Thor came to her and hugged him. “Be brave for a few more hours.”

Thor nodded. When she let him go he dropped down on the chair Loki had occupied less than an hour earlier. He gave his mother a worried look. “Did you speak with Loki of anything other?”

Frigga pulled a chair close to Thor’s, sat down and took his hand. “We spoke of his love for you and yours for him.” At Thor’s exclamation she squeezed his hand. “It is alright Thor. I am happy that you have found some happiness together, but I caution you to keep it a secret for now. It will take much to win your father over and now is not the time for such things. Nor, I think, will Asgard look too kindly upon your union until the truth of Loki’s origin is made known.” 

“Then it should be made known. There is nothing shameful about being born a Jötun.” 

“I agree that he has nothing to be ashamed of, yet it is your brother’s decision on how much of his life he wants to make public, not yours.”

When Thor looked doubtful, Frigga added. “He will not forgive so great a breach of his trust.”

“I am not very good at subterfuge, but I will keep silent on the subject.”

“You must do more than hold your tongue, you must school your expression and actions also.” 

Thor nodded and put his head in his hands. “Mother, why did no one tell me that falling in love is so difficult? The poets paint it as if it is the easiest of things, and one views their beloved as the best of all people. Yet when I look at Loki I can’t help but see his faults and remember how difficult he can be. I can’t forget all the ways we have hurt each other. I don’t even know if this will last.”

“No one ever does Thor. The poets sing of romance, not love. You are past romance I think, and you see Loki with open eyes. I only hope he sees you the same way.”

Thor smiled. “You have but to hear him speak and you will know he sees and catalogs each and every one of my shortcomings. He calls me an idiot and an oaf more often then he uses my name. He thinks I’m a sentimental do-gooder without an ounce of common sense.”

“Loki is more of a romantic then you are Thor. He has always thought you could do no wrong and he will place you on a pedestal if you don’t stop him.”

“Loki a romantic?” Thor asked skeptically. “He’s the most hard headed, cynical person I know.”

“Yet he spoke to me of having damned you with his love.”

Thor’s head snapped up “What?” He roared. “The little fool. He’s not the one who….” He trailed off, suddenly embarrassed to even be discussing such a thing with his mother. “That’s not true.” He grumbled.

“I’m not the one you have to convince. But for now Thor, act as if you are still angry with your brother. His life may depend on it.”

***

An hour? Two hours? Loki wasn’t sure. Built on the edge of a rise, even below the main level of the palace sunlight found its way through the smallest cracks. He'd watched a sliver of light make its way up the western wall of his cell until it faded to red and vanished, leaving him in darkness. He wished he’d been able to keep his doppelganger in place longer, for the chains only allowed him to shift from foot to foot. There was not enough slack to sit down and he’d become used that luxury the past couple of days. The corners of his mouth were chafed from the muzzle and his shoulders ached from the weight of the shackles. The longer he stood in the darkened cell the less he believed in his mother’s words or in Thor’s love. After all, he was where he expected to be, delivered into Odin’s hand with no proof that they would step in. His back ached, his shoulders throbbed and fear clawed at his heart. Remembered words slithered through his mind. 

“How weak you are. Calling for your family when they are the ones who sent you to me. This is what trust does to you. You believe that comfort is your right and pain your enemy. But it is pain that strips away your illusions. Suffering lets you see the truth of things. This is your fate. To be despised, to be betrayed, to be forgotten. Unwanted by anyone. Left in the dark to rot. Give up the lie of hope and let me show you a new destiny. One of power. One of vengeance. You will give in eventually. The only question is how much of yourself will be left when you do?”

Loki shook his head trying to clear his mind. He looked around in confusion. He was chained in the dark with only the thin cold line of artificial light at the bottom of his door. Where was Thor? Or his mother? Or his father? Had he been dreaming again? It had to be a dream. His brother was never so loving, nor his mother so understanding. Odin was even more hateful in his dreams a doddering old man filled with fear and foolishness. Which meant he was back on Sanctuary. After his failure? Or was that too a dream. 

It didn’t matter. He could hear them coming for him again. He knew what was ahead. He pulled at his chains and twisted his arms trying to get them free of the shackles. They were at the door. He heard the bar drawn back and light blinded him. He waited while they approached, if he could surprise them, fight viciously enough, maybe one of them would hit him too hard and kill him this time. It was his only hope.

***

Thor stood opposite his mother, waiting at the foot of the throne for Loki to be brought up from the holding cells. It was already an hour past sunset when Odin came down from his rooms and summoned them to the throne room. Thor had kept watch at the top of the stairs to the holding cells until he was called. He didn't trust Odin to not do something underhanded. But when the hour of execution had come and gone and Loki remained in his cell, Thor felt that his mother was right, and Odin intended only a minor punishment. He glanced at his father, who looked weary and fragile and too small for his ceremonial armor, his head bowed as if the weight of the crown was too much for him. That anger which had burned in Odin earlier had gone out and with it much of his vitality. 

Thor turned his head toward the heavy doors which were swinging open. He heard a rising muffled shriek that caused him to grab Mjölnir and take three steps toward the doors. Had it not been for his mother’s frantic “THOR NO!” the doorway would have been red with the blood of those dragging his brother into the room. 

Gone was the urbane, composed man who had traded verbal barbs with him. Gone even the vicious and mocking version of his brother he had fought on Midgard. There was neither intelligence nor reason in the face of the creature who clawed and twisted and pulled four men off their feet in his terror to get away. It took eight of them to get him into the room and four more to finally bring him to his knees. Not one of the guards was unmarked and Loki was bleeding from his nose, his summoned leather armor gone and his simple tunic half torn off. His shriek had turned to an unending keening sound that sent chills down Thor’s spine.

“SILENCE!” Odin roared.

Whatever he expected, obedience was not what he received. Green light exploded from Loki and the four men holding him down were tossed off like dogs from a lion. He threw himself back with such force those grasping his chains were again pulled from their feet. Thor could no longer hold back. He waded into the group, throwing Loki’s guards aside and smashing his chains to fragments until he was within reach of his brother. What twelve men could not do, Thor accomplished by himself, crushing his frantic brother to his chest while Loki thrashed and clawed and screamed himself into exhaustion. 

Somewhere behind him, Thor heard his Mother’s voice calling out to them and his father’s querulous one demanding answers. He paid them no mind. He spoke to Loki in a soft voice, assuring him he wasn’t alone. That he would not let anyone hurt him or lock him up again. Thor glared at the guards and then at Odin. So great was his fury that lightning crackled and crawled over both he and Loki in deadly streaks, and outside booming thunder and howling wind gave voice to the storm in his heart.

At a signal from Odin, the guards backed away, helped up their fallen fellows and left, pulling the doors behind them and shutting out the sound of the gale. Now all Thor could hear was the buzz and pop of his power, Loki’s gasping breaths and the slow steps as his father advanced to them, supported on his mother’s arm. Thor loosened his hold to take the muzzle from his brother’s mouth and threw it to the tiles with enough force it shattered. He removed the shackles next and Loki grabbed him so tightly it squeezed the breath from his ribs. Thor ran his hand up and down his brother’s cold, sweat slick back and Loki clung to him, his face pressed against Thor’s shoulder.

Odin looked at them both, glanced to Frigga’s face set in a mixture of concern and a fury that matched Thor’s. He raised a shaking hand to point to the scars that marred Loki’s back and asked. “Who did this to my son?”

“We did.” Thor spat. “You and I and even mother. We all had a hand in this.”

“No.” Said Odin in an old man’s voice.

“He speaks the truth.” Frigga said. “What do you mean to do about it?”

“Do about it?” Odin growled and he drew himself up and raised Gungnir. Thor’s hand dropped to the shaft of his hammer and Frigga’s tightened on his arm. 

“Thor take your brother to his rooms. Frigga, go with them and send for a healer to see to him. I shall be there shortly, but first I must revoke the orders for his imprisonment and set in motion Thor’s ascendance to the throne.”

Frigga and Thor looked at him, astonished. 

“Your spell worked wife. I am myself again. ” He lowered his staff and once again he looked aged. “While I remain so I must do what I can, to set things right. “Loki,” he paused when he saw Loki flinch, “my son. I have failed you.” When Loki made not further response he turned away from them and walked toward his study. 

Thor let go of his anger and the barrier of lightning faded. Frigga stepped forward and hugged both her sons. She conjured a handkerchief and blotted blood from Thor’s nose. 

“Your brother has a very hard head.” She observed and offered him a smile. 

“I noticed.” Thor said and tried for an answering smile. It was no more convincing then hers. “Loki? Can you walk with me? We are going to my room.”

Loki made no response and Thor glanced as his mother, shrugged, and picked up his brother as if he were an oversized child. One arm under Loki’s arms and one under his knees was an ungainly way to carry a fully grown man, but short of slinging him over his shoulder, Thor didn’t know what else to do. The trip up their private stairs was without incident. Frigga stopped a custodian cleaning the first staircase and sent him to the healers with Odin’s orders. The guards stationed in the halls didn’t do more then give them a startled glance and a quick bow as they passed.

Thor took his brother to his rooms, as Loki’s were still empty. He was sure he father had not meant for Loki to stay in the barren space and overlooking Odin's lapse of memory seemed best for them all. He carried Loki back into his bedroom, lay him on his bed and straightened his torn tunic. Loki still hadn’t spoken and he clutched Thor’s arm and stared at him until Thor gave in and sat down beside him. Loki immediately put his arms around Thor’s waist and lay with his face pressed into his brother’s belly. 

Frigga left for a moment and returned with a hair brush and a wet cloth. She handed the brush to Thor. At her urging Loki turned his head for her to apply the cloth to his bleeding face, once she was done he again hid against Thor, this time curling around his body. Frigga took off Loki’s low boots, and covered him with a blanket. Thor carefully brushed his brother’s hair and Frigga rubbed his icy fee, singing softly to him. When the knock came on the outer door, Frigga left and Thor could hear her speaking to the healer in his front room. There were drops of water glistening in Loki’s hair and Thor brushed them away only for them to reappear. It took him a moment to understand they were his tears, falling in silence. He dried his face on his sleeve when he heard his bedroom door open. 

It was Eir herself who had come. The old woman spoke to Loki and told him what she was going to do before she did it, as she had done when they were children. Loki didn’t respond, but he allowed her to move him without resistance. She showed neither shock nor revulsion at his injuries and after her exam applied several healing stones, leaving them on his skin while she wrote orders for several medications. She gave Loki instructions on their use while he curled once again around Thor and hid his face. 

“If you are unable to follow these instruction, my prince, I am authorizing your brother or your mother to see that they are followed.” 

When Eir left, Frigga touched Thor’s shoulder and he looked up at her. 

“He will recover, Thor.” She said softly. “But he needs your words, because he has none of his own. Speak of love my son, and of joy and call your brother back to us. I must see to your father.”

Thor nodded and when she had gone he forced himself to speak. His words were stilted at first and tears overcame his voice, but slowly he went from simple professions of his love, to telling Loki stories of their past and then to speaking to him of their future. His throat became dry from his talking and he had to detach himself from Loki’s grasp to fill a carafe of water and place it beside the bed. Loki made no attempt to follow him, but his eyes never left Thor and when he returned he reached out for him. 

Thor was beyond caring what Odin thought. If the old man decided to visit he could deal with the truth for once. He pulled off his boots, discarded his outer clothing and climbed into bed. Loki plucked at his own tunic and Thor took it off of him. He maneuvered him between the sheets and took Loki into his arms. He stroked his hair and spoke to him for another hour, until Loki’s fingers touched his lips. Then he held Loki in silence while his brother’s eyes closed and his breathing deepened and slowed. With the assurance that his brother was sleeping Thor allowed his eyes to close and he too drifted into oblivion. The lamps shone in their sconces, filling the room with light and keeping the darkness at bay, all through the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Loki thought he had it under control, until he was left alone in the dark and all the terrors ripped away his fragile hold on reality.


	14. The truth is unmasked. We shall not meet again.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The end of an era.

There was sunlight, warm and soft and golden. He could feel it on his eyelids, as he could feel a pillowcase, smooth and cool under his cheek. There was a slowly fading warmth against his back, like the physical memory of a body that had lain beside him. He could hear the chirping calls of familiar birds and smell the faintest hint of summer blooming flowers. He kept his eyes closed, not wanting to wake from this dream, barely daring to breath. There were footsteps, the creak of the bed, and the soft brush of fingertips pushing his hair back. Tears ran down Loki’s face at the sweetness of this soon to be lost illusion. He tried to hold it for a few more moments but he could feel his body waking, the ache of abused flesh, the dryness of his mouth, and the hollow of his empty belly. 

Yet still the light didn’t fade, the gentle touch on his cheek didn’t go away. 

“Loki?” said the voice he longed to hear above all others. 

Loki took a sharp indrawn breath and dared to open his eyes, willing to end the dream for the chance at a glimpse of his brother’s face. 

He was granted more than a glimpse. Thor was leaning over him, his hair turned to a halo of gold by the brilliant morning light, a slight frown between eyes the color of the summer sky. Loki couldn’t keep his hand from reaching up to touch the phantasm. This time it didn’t disappear, to be replaced by the mocking laughter of his torturer. He touched the rough beard and trailed his fingertips over soft lips that turned upward into a sad smile. His nose was oddly swollen and there was a purpling bruise on one cheek. Loki had never imagined Thor injured before. Hope stirred and with hope blurred memories.

“Thor? Are you real?”

“Very much so.” Thor said. He bent lower to kiss Loki and at the touch of his brother's lips, the fog of awakening cleared.

*

Loki paused with the fork halfway to his mouth and looked down at Asgard spread out below him. The view was one he knew from countless days spent on their shared balcony. It wasn’t the misty muddled vison he’d dreamt of while prisoner on Sanctuary. It was his home, bright and alive. His people going about the business of their lives. A patrol ship passed overhead, and Loki could see the scuffed paint on the port side from where it had rubbed against its dock. In the plaza below a barrow vender and his customer were having an argument, the sound of their angry words clear in the crystal air. It was an ordinary, banal scene. One he had seen thousands of times before, and more precious to him than any throne or gem of power. 

He finished his last bite and his gaze wandered to the one thing that was jarringly out of place. Gungnir, Odin’s spear, was propped against the wall like a common staff. Loki turned to his brother and waited until he’d put his cup down. He pointed with his chin at the spear.

“Now that we’ve eaten will you finally consent to tell me how you came into possession? I assume you are at least acting king?” 

Thor cupped his hands around his empty mug and looked longingly at the coffee carafe as if it could give him an answer.

“I am.” He said. His mouth shut in a hard line.

Loki frowned. “What aren’t you telling me?”

Thor shook his head, refilled his mug with the last of the coffee, and took a drink.

“Thor!” Loki snapped.

Thor lowered the mug and “As you have surmised, I now rule Asgard.” The sadness in his eyes intensified.

“What else?” Loki asked.

“But not as acting king. As king.”

“Is father…?” Loki found he could not finish the sentence.

“Not yet, but he is failing.”

“Why has mother not put him into the sleep?” Loki cried. “She must! What is she waiting for?”

“She tried. They both tried, but… his heart slows too much. It falters. He…”

Loki abruptly stood up. “This is foolishness!” Without pausing to dress he strode toward the door. “Why did you not wake me?”

“What do you mean to do?” Thor said. He rose and followed Loki across the room only remembering at the last minute to snatch up Gungnir.

“What no one else seems to have the fortitude to do. Force the old fool to go into the Sleep.”

Loki trotted barefoot down the hall, his dressing robe flapping about his calves. Thor followed and absently noted that the glamor was back up. 

“Did you not hear what I said? They tried.”

“He’s lying for some reason of his own.”

“Well enough to fool mother and Eir?”

“I would not put it past him.” Loki said savagely. 

Thor caught up to him at the door to their parent’s chambers. Loki might have masked his scars, but he made no effort to hide his fury.

Thor caught his arm before he could burst through the door.

“Loki, he is not faking. Mother found him on the floor when she returned to their rooms last night. She and Eir have been with him all night. He regained consciousness early this morning long enough to send for me, accept my vow and name me king.”

Loki only shook his head. His mouth was set in a firm line and his brows furrowed, but his eyes glittered with unshed tears. He tried to pull out of Thor’s grasp.

“I’ll let you go if you calm yourself. Mother does not need you to cause a scene.”

Loki glared at Thor, but at the mention of their mother he blew out a breath and fought his rage back under control.

“For her sake and no other’s.” Loki said in harsh whisper.

Thor nodded and released him. He raised his hand to knock, when a man in healer's dress opened the door. He looked startled but quickly smoothed out his expression. “Your Majesty, Your Highness, your father has awoken and asked for you. I was just leaving to fetch you. I ask that you do not keep him awake long. He tires very easily.”

Together they traversed the front rooms until they reached the entrance to the sleeping chamber. Here the healer stopped. Eir rose from her place at the side of the great golden bed, gave them both a nod, and slipped from the room, shutting the door behind her. 

Loki walked to the bed, Thor a step behind him. His anger fled at the sight before him. Always his father had been the epitome of power. The last time Loki had seen him stretched out on this bed he had looked vulnerable in his sleep, but not frail, not powerless. He hadn’t spared Odin a look when he’d been arrested, more concerned with the guards and Thor to pay attention to him. His ruthless orders had been delivered in that same scathing tone of voice he’d always used when Loki had disappointed him. Even when he’d been arguing with Frigga, Loki had focused on his mother, unable to look at his father after hearing his heartless words. The evening before was masked in a haze and all he could really remember was Thor pulling him from a nightmare of captivity.

It was hard to reconcile the image of the powerful, domineering Allfather with the aged and failing old man who looked at him with pale sunken eyes. He glanced at his mother hoping she would somehow reveal this to be a temporary weakness. But her expression was not one of worry, but of sad resignation. 

Loki opened his mouth, but no words came.

“My son.” Odin said and his voice was a hollow shadow of its former strength. He raised his hand a scant inch from the coverlet and then let it drop.

Loki knelt beside the bed and took Odin’s hand. “Father.”

“I,” Odin’s eyes shut for long seconds and Loki began to believe he had fallen asleep. He turned his head to Thor, to see tears tracking down his brother’s face. 

“Loki,” Odin said opening his eyes again. “You must look after your brother.” His gaze sharpened. “He will need your wisdom, as you need his strength.”

Loki’s confusion was plain on his face.

“Thor,” Odin continued. “Listen to your brother and follow his guidance. You will be a better king and he a better man for it. I love you, my sons.”

He shut his eyes again. His breathing slowed and deepened.

“No.” Loki said softly. Then again, louder “No.”

Thor touched his shoulder and Loki surged to his feet.

“NO! You do not get off this easily. You will not spout platitudes at me and die old man!”

“Brother.” Thor said. 

“Loki,” Frigga plead. “don’t do this.”

“NO!” Loki said. “I will not listen to this bastard try to wipe out a thousand years of lies with a few sentimental words.”

“Please, father is dying.” Thor cried.

"I care not!"

There was a harsh hacking sound from the bed which resolved into a pained chuckle. 

“Let him speak. He’s right.” 

“This was some kind of a test?!” Loki snarled. “I knew you were lying!”

“No lie, my son. I am dying. But you must admit, as final words go, they were memorable.”

“How are these?” Loki spat. “I wish it was our custom to bury our dead, so I could dance on your grave.”

Odin chuckled again. “If it was, you would have be careful that I didn’t reach up from underground and break your ankle.” 

“You were a horrible father.” Loki said. He was still seething, but his father's joke has lessened his rage. 

“And you were a contrary, troublesome child.” Odin’s smile faded. “We are, as your mother has told me time and again, too much alike.”

“I am nothing like you.” Loki growled.

Odin shook his head and closed his eyes. “I have no strength for this fight, Loki, nor any desire to win. I wounded you and you me. Let this be the end.” 

Frigga sat back down and took Odin’s hand in hers. 

“Frigga.” Odin said in a whisper.

“I am here, my love.”

"Stay, beloved." He said and went still.

"I shall not leave you."

Loki stood quietly and watched his father’s breathing deepen and slow. The rhythm was off. Every third or fourth breath he took a deeper struggling gasp. Loki had been on enough battlefields to know that death was close. Thor took Loki’s hand as Eir came back in the room and checked one of the monitors. 

“He will not wake again.” She said and left the family to themselves.

Thor pulled up another chair and Loki took the healer's abandoned seat. The minutes ticked by and stretched into an hour. Loki got up and paced the room several times, looking over the various keepsakes that were scattered about the space. On his third trip he noticed a small painting stuck at the top of the mirror of Odin’s dressing table. It took him a moment to recognize it. A picture of the seashore and ocean. He remembered Odin had commented one evening while they were walking together along the beach that he liked the way the sunset shone on the waves, turning the whitecaps gold. Loki had stayed up half the night painting the picture. He’d taken it to breakfast to give to his father, but when looked at it in the light of morning, he realized how amateurish it was and had hastily stuck it under his chair before his parents arrived, meaning to retrieve it after the meal. He’d forgotten about it and never thought of it again. 

He took the little picture down and carried it back to the others. It was not quite as bad as he remembered, but nothing special. He showed it to his mother. 

“He kept this.”

She smiled. “Yes. He liked looking at it. It was a happy memory for him.”

“He never said anything.”

“You were very touchy about your painting. He knew you had changed you mind about showing it to him, when I found it under your chair. He didn’t want to embarrass you.”

“It should have fallen to dust by now.” Loki examined the little painting. “You put a preservation spell on it?”

“Several times. You father didn’t want to lose it.”

“I do not understand him. Why keep a painting from someone he loathes?”

“He doesn’t loathe you, he loves you.”

Loki shook his head, but more in confusion than disbelief at his mother’s words. He returned the painting to the mirror.

“I need some fresh air. Mother?” 

“Go ahead. I’ll send for you if anything changes.” 

Loki raised an eyebrow at Thor, who nodded and followed him out of their parent’s rooms.

“He acted as if I was never good enough.” Loki said to Thor once they reached the colonnade outside their parents' room. “He was always comparing me to you.”

“You aren’t the only one.” Thor said. He leaned against a pillar and let the summer sun warm his skin.

Loki made a sound of disbelief and paced up and down the corridor.

“You need to pay attention to your tutors.” Thor said in a fair imitation of Odin’s voice. “Look at how hard Loki studies. Your brother never falls asleep during lectures. You should follow his example if you are going to be a worthy king.” 

“He said that?” Loki paused in the shadow of a column and squinted at his brother. Thor nodded.

“And more. “Loki attends the council meetings and listens. Loki knows the names and alliances of all the Jarls, not just those with pretty daughters. Loki has the patience to master his power, he doesn’t allow it to master him.” It made me feel stupid. That’s why I gave up scholarly pursuits and took to war.”

“He used to tell me, “Thor isn’t afraid to fight when honor is at stake. Thor trains hard to be the leader Asgard needs. He doesn’t have his nose stuck in a book all day. Thor isn’t lazing about the palace gossiping with the Jarls, he’s out establishing a reputation as a warrior. Thor knows it takes a strong hand to rule the nine, not a silver tongue. How can the Aesir rely on a king who uses illusion and trickery?” 

“He really was the worst father.” Thor said with a sigh.

Loki walked over to his brother and to Thor’s surprise he turned and rested his back on Thor’s chest. Thor put his arms around Loki’s waist and Loki lay his hands on Thor’s.

“I have known of worse.” Loki said after a pause. “He did rescue me from exposure and starvation. Laufey fully intended for me to die, that I heard from his own mouth. Even though Odin took me with ulterior motives, he was gambling on a long shot that I would actually be of any use to him. While he did set us up as rivals, he did not encourage us to fight each other. To the contrary, he sent us into situations that required us to work together.”

“You of all people would find excuses for what he did?”

“Not excuses, reasons. I don’t forgive his lies, nor his manipulations. I simply find I have no further taste for vengeance and no need for his approval.”

Thor gave Loki a squeeze. “You have outgrown him.”

“I think we both have.”

The door to their parents' room opened and Loki pulled away, before his mother's maid turned toward them. They came to her beckoning and returned to the bedchamber. For a moment Loki thought Odin had already passed so shrunken he looked, but then he took a deep shuddering breath. Several seconds passed before he took another. The brothers went to stand on either side of their mother, resting their hands on her shoulders. Twice more Odin drew breath and then his chest rose no more. Frigga bowed her head over her husband’s cold hand and cried silent tears. Loki too felt tears run down his cheeks. For good or ill Odin was the only father he had ever known and his passing left an empty place in Loki’s heart. Perhaps even more for all the things that now could never be. Thor wept more openly, dropping to his knees to lay is head on Odin’s lap and embrace their father's still body. 

His brother's resentment, Loki thought, was too recent to overwhelm the love he felt for Odin. Loki reflected that they would have scant time for mourning, with the threat of the Titian looming on the horizon.

“Your timing Father,” Loki said softly, “could not have been worse.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The king is dead. Long live the king. Odin was a bastard, but a complicated bastard. Few people are entirely evil. And fewer still entirely good.


	15. No welcome for the wanderer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thor takes the throne. A visit from Thor's friends.

Loki paced his room. Those of his belongings that his mother had been able to save were back in their accustomed places. The spells hiding him and Thor in the cavern had given way when they returned to Asgard. With their mother’s help it took under an hour to clear out the remainder of his things from the cave. There were many items missing. Anything valuable and small enough to be slipped unnoticed into a pocket had been taken. All of his spell ingredients had been destroyed, along with his books of magic, both bought and those he’d created, those items being deemed too dangerous. His diaries as well had been burned, and the other written ephemera of his life. All that was left of his life before was his furniture, some clothing and those books which Odin considered uncontroversial. Even the few tokens he’d kept of his adventures, or gifts from his admirers, personal or political had been destroyed or stolen or sold. 

It was Thor who’d snatched the fur and star tapestry off the pile meant for the furnace and taken them to his room. Other than those two items, it was a room without personality. Loki considered having his stolen mementos hunted down, but the thought of his personal keepsakes in other people’s hands, banished all desire for them. 

Loki shuddered. He couldn’t stay in here any longer. This was a dead man’s room. He got his pajamas, pulled the fur off his bed and went into their connecting bathroom. The heat of a shower banished some of his chill. He toweled his hair dry, dressed in his nightclothes, and taking the fur went into Thor’s rooms. They at least were as he remembered them. Neat and clean and smelling of metal polish and leather dressing. He passed through Thor’s bedroom, went into the front room. He lit the fire, pulled the couch close to the fireplace, wrapped the fur around himself and curled up to wait for his brother’s return. 

Thor was still in the council chamber this evening, meeting with the Jarls to plan a response to Thanos’ impending attack. Loki and Frigga had attended the afternoon announcement of Odin’s death. There had followed the formal swearing of allegiance to the new king, first by their mother, then Loki, then the Jarls in order of their noble rank. Only after were Thor’s friends allowed to come forward to swear their allegiance. They had looked with suspicion at Loki. No doubt, he thought, because they blamed him for Thor’s decision to observe protocol this time and not elevate them above their station. 

The evening meal following was subdued, one part funeral feast and one part celebration of Thor’s ascendance to the Throne. Again Loki felt the hostile glares as he seated his mother on Thor’s left and then took his place on his brother’s right at the high table. There was an empty place set on Frigga’s left, the plate and cup turned over to mark Odin’s passing. Only the royal family sat here for formal occasions, and there was none more formal one then this. Yet still there were whispers. 

Loki’s ears were keener then the Aesir. He kept his head down and tried to ignore them. As he had feared there were suspicions about his part in Odin’s death. A servant had overheard his cursing their father and had been quick to spread rumors. Loki pretended not to care. He’d never been popular, but he had no idea how quickly the Aesir had come to hate him. Thor had picked up on his discomfort and gave Loki’s arm a quick squeeze. The kind of thing he’d often done in the past, but it had set Loki’s teeth on edge, lest Thor do something to reveal how their relationship had changed.

The necessity to brief the Jarls on the threat of the Titian meant the drinking had been held to a minimum, so they could attend a late meeting after the feast. Only the brothers appeared. Frigga had retired to her rooms. Thor had asked Loki to give an overview of the situation and the unspoken disbelief at his highly edited report had been palpable. Knowing that the Jarls would not speak freely as long as he was in the room, and unable to take the hostile atmosphere any longer, Loki had left on the pretext of seeing to their mother. Frigga, however, had taken a sleeping draught and left word not to be disturbed. So Loki had gone to his rooms to set his things in order and wait Thor’s return. Only to find no comfort in his former quarters.

The long day and the storm of emotions took their toll, and Loki slept, bathed in the warmth of the fire.  
.

“You know how he is Thor. How many times does he have to betray you before you learn he can’t be trusted?” Sif said.

Loki opened his eyes at the sound. The fire had burned down to embers and it was dark in his corner. Thor and his friends had come in and they were at the other end of the room. The back of the couch hid him from their view.

“At the least, he belongs in prison for what he did, attacking another realm unprovoked.” Hogun put in. 

“That’s a bit harsh.” Fandral said. “But I have agree he does have a reputation of untrustworthiness. Doesn’t all this seem a somewhat suspicious?” 

“All what?” Thor growled. 

Loki could hear the sound of liquid pouring into a glass. He flattened against the couch, curious and mortified at the same time. 

“Well, your father’s death for one.” Volstagg said. “Now calm down, lad.” He added hastily, “I’m not saying he caused it on purpose. But this is the second time a confrontation with Loki has resulted in Odin’s unexpected collapse. You must admit it was irregular.”

“Why his abrupt change of mind?” Hogun said. “We all heard Odin name Loki a traitor. Only hours before he’d written out the orders for his execution. When has Odin ever rescinded an order? He was not a weak minded old man. Yet when Loki was brought forward for sentencing, the guards are dismissed and Loki is supposedly acquitted.” 

“He was acquitted.” Thor said heatedly. “I was there, as was my mother, the queen. Are you calling us liars?”

“Thor we just want you to consider.” Sif said. “We’ve all seen Loki’s tricks. Is it not possible he took the Allfather’s place and left an illusion in chains? You know Odin has not been well of late. He may have overwhelmed your father in his weakness and then used his tainted magic to plant those images in your mind.” 

“I heard he cursed Odin on his deathbed.” Fandral said. “It’s all over Asgard. As is how he raved like a mindless animal when they took him from his cell. What if he breaks out like that again? In a fit of madness he could attack you or even your mother.”

“You go too far. I will hear no more against my brother.” Thor said, and Loki could hear the anger in his voice. “Too long have I listened to your words, and indulged you in the name of friendship.”

“Thor, you have to fight this.” Sif said, “This isn’t you. This is Loki.”

“Enough!” Thor barked. 

There was the sharp smell of ozone in the air and Loki decided to intervene before Thor did something he’d regret. He sat up, folded his arms on the back of the couch and rested his chin on them. Thor’s face was set in the implacable expression he normally wore right before he hammered an enemy into the ground. Loki was surprised that the glass in his hand had not shattered.

“Oh this is rich.” Loki said with a cruel smile. “First you four say Odin is a strong and resolute king and his collapse is without reason, then you say that he is a weak old man on his last legs. You accuse me of being a sorcerer powerful and cunning enough to control a phalanx of guards, Odin, the queen and my brother, and plant false memories in the minds, but also believe I’m so weak, I’m unable to stop the mouth of a single nattering servant. Not to mention I’m a raving madman out to kill my own family. Apparently I did all of this manipulation to ensure my brother, who has always been slated to take the throne, is made king.”

The four turned and stared at him. There was ghost of a smile on Thor’s lips and some of the fire died out of his eyes.

“What are you doing here?” Hogun snarled.

“Waiting for the arrival of my king, that I, as his adviser, may learn the results of the council meeting so we can discuss policy. It is one of my duties as the prince of Asgard and heir to the throne. What are you doing here, other than casting doubt on the mental competency of your ruler?”

“How can a Jötun be heir to the throne of Asgard?” Sif snapped.

“I asked my father that over a year ago. He claimed it was because I was his son. Strange how that goes.” Loki lifted his eyes to his brother in time to see a smile flash across his face. “Thor, have you any mead left? I feel the need for a drink, while you dismiss your friends.”

“Former friends.” Thor said. He glowered at them. “I will forget the words you have spoken tonight. You may have said them out of concern for my wellbeing. However, if I hear of you spreading any more malicious rumors about the crown prince, I will have you arrested and tried for treason.”

Hogun opened his mouth, saw the resolution in Thor’s eyes and turned on his heel and lift. Sif shot a venomous glance at Loki and he smirked back. Fandral grabbed her arm and dragged her toward the door, whispering rapidly in her ear. Volstagg waited long enough to meet Thor’s eyes. Whatever he saw there seemed to reassure him. 

“Good night Your Majesty.” Volstagg turned his head and gave Loki the same measuring look. “Good night Your Highness.” He bowed and then he too left. 

Thor closed the door behind them. Loki slumped down on the couch. 

“I was serious about that drink.” Loki said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't usually make Sif so nasty but her and Hogun and Volstagg all threatened Loki in Dark World, so I figure they would be quick to warn Thor against him. Fandral is mostly going along with them and recounting stuff he's heard. Volstagg is old enough to know when the wind had turned so he's making the best of a bad situation and cutting his losses.


	16. Shapeshifter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Making love. Loki opens up.

“I don’t think we will have any trouble from Volstagg.” Thor remarked, handing Loki a glass. “Nor Fandral.”

“I do care in the slightest about them.” Loki said. He took a swig, chocked and coughed. For an instant terror crossed his features, then it transformed onto anger. “This is brandy, not mead.”

“I thought you needed something stronger.” Thor said, his forehead creased with worry.

Loki’s eyes were hard and cold. “Do not ever, do that, to me, again.”

For a moment Thor thought he was going to throw the glass in his face. Loki held his gaze and then slowly, deliberately, poured the contents onto the seat cushion. He held the glass out to Thor.

“Try to get it right this time.”

Thor ignored the way Loki’s hand shook, took the glass back to the bar and refilled it with mead. He’d expected Loki to watch his every move but his brother was once again facing the fireplace, the fur pulled up around his shoulders.

Thor walked around to the front of the couch and handed Loki the glass. This time Loki sipped. He nodded and tilted his head to the space beside him. 

“Have a seat and tell me what happened after I left.”

“You would have me sit in the wet spot?” Thor said trying for a joke.

“Serves you right.” Loki answered with an upward quirk of his lips. 

Thor folded his cape into a pad and sat on it. “They took convincing.” Thor said, “But eventually they came around.” 

“You didn’t threaten them with your hammer did you?”

“I do have some diplomatic ability.”

“So you did threaten them.”

“I may have rested Mjölnir on the counsel table. Her handle digs into my hip when I sit for very long.”

“Mm hmm,” Loki took a deeper drink and eyed Thor over the rim of his glass. “You simply set her quietly down. So softly no one noticed.”

“I may have thumped her somewhat.” Thor frowned and irritation crept into his voice. 

“Cracked the table in two, did you? I suppose the walls will need repainting to cover the scorch marks.” 

“They weren’t listening and kept arguing. I had to get their attention.” Thor growled. “They never disrespected father like that.” 

Loki smiled. “I doubt they’ll try it with you again.” He scooted closer. Thor raised his arm and Loki snuggled into his side and lay his head on Thor’s shoulder. ”They are used to being commanded, not reasoned with. You can’t treat them as equals or they will walk all over you.”

“You would have me act as if I was better than them.”

“You are.”

“Loki, you…”

Loki put his fingertips over Thor’s mouth cutting him off. “Hear me out. You are better. You are stronger, more powerful, more experienced. You have trained to be king all of your life. You have led battles, worked, however reluctantly, as a diplomat, and know the strengths and weaknesses of our opponents and allies. You have traveled to other worlds and know more of the universe then they do of Asgard. You don’t put your petty concerns over the good of our people. There is no one more prepared to rule Asgard.”

“Save you.” Thor said.

Loki shook his head. “Once perhaps, had things been different, but no more. I do not love Asgard and they hold little regard for me. I serve out of duty, nothing else. You love them.”

Thor kissed the top of Loki’s head and nuzzled his hair. It was tangled into soft curls, and smelt of shampoo. “I love you.”

Loki tilted his head up for a kiss, and Thor met his lips.

“Will you stay with me tonight?” Thor asked.

“As I have already been seen in you rooms, I don’t see the harm.” Loki tilted his head back offering his throat. “The walls barely muffle the sound of your snoring, so there is little difference in sleeping in your bed or mine.”

“Are you certain it is not your snoring you are hearing?” Thor said, kissing down the length of Loki’s throat.

“I do not snore.”

“You do.” Thor pushed Loki’s collar aside to nip and suck on his trapezius muscle.

“Ah.” Loki must have set down his drink, for Thor felt one hand on his back and another on the back of his head. “Do I really?” Loki asked.

“Yes.” Thor came up for air. “Not loudly, soft like a cat purring. Shall we take this to bed?”

“Carry me.” Loki said.

Thor slid an arm under his brother's knees, another around his waist and with Loki’s arms still clasped around his neck, picked him up and carried him into the bedroom. “Someone likes being pampered.”

“As if you don’t enjoy showing off your strength.”

“That I do.” Thor lay Loki down on the bed and pushed up his nightshirt. “Are you sure you want to? Its been a long day.”

“Don’t you?”

Thor stopped. “That’s not what I asked. Do you want me to make love to you?”

Loki wrinkled his brow. “I don’t, not want you to.”

Thor sat up. “You don’t have to give yourself to me, in exchange for my love.”

Loki pushed up onto his elbows and shook his head. “I know that. I’d rather not lie to you. You are worth my honesty.”

“Then you feel no desire for me.” Thor touched Loki’s face and Loki turned his head and kissed his palm.

“Thor, I have never felt any desire for anyone.” He sighed as if a great weight had been removed.

“You told me you’ve had sex with other men. Was that a lie?”

“No. I spoke the truth. I have. I did not find it particularly rewarding.” 

“Then why do it?”

“It is expected is it not? You had your conquests and I, mine. I thought perhaps if I had sex often enough, I would be like everyone else. I was wrong. Mind you, I like the companionship, and sex was not awful. At least not after the first few times. I rather enjoy kissing.”

“Was it awful with me?” Thor looked away.

“I did not know it was your ego you wanted me to stroke.” Loki chuckled. “It was not. It felt pleasant.” He cupped Thor’s chin and turned his head so their eyes met. “I love you. I enjoy you touching me and that it arouses you. I like touching you and giving you pleasure. I like being physically close to you. Feeling you inside me makes being here, more real.”  
Loki dropped his eyes. “Sometimes I am not certain that I ever left the abyss, or that I am not still in…” Loki swallowed, took a deep breath and continued. “…not still in that place.”

Thor touched Loki’s arm and kissed the top of his head.

“But Thor, when you make love to me, I know I’m really here. I know this is not a dream. I don’t feel sexual desire. Not for you, not for anyone. I rarely get aroused.” Loki looked up, bit his lip. “I could cast an illusion if that would make you feel any better. I’ve done it before. It’s no trouble.”

“No. No illusions. I don’t want you to be other than who you are.” 

Loki lay back down and smiled. “Good.” He guided Thor’s hand back to his nightshirt. After a moment Thor began to undress him again. 

“If you don’t find this sexually arousing, how is it pleasant?”

Loki thought for a few minutes while Thor removed his boots. “Do you remember that time we raced each other up that granite cliff face, to the top of Eagles Peak?

“I remember you won, and sat there dropping rocks on my head, until I climbed the rest of the way and reached you.” 

Loki grinned and lifted his hips so Thor could pull his sleep pants off. 

“I did enjoy that. You squawked like a seagull every time one hit. But you remember how we felt afterward?” 

“After I pounded you into the dirt and you kicked me in the stones?” 

Thor took off his own shirt, baring his broad chest. Loki looked at him in approval. His brother was a very good looking man.

“Later, after we hiked back down to the bottom and rode back home.”

“Norns yes. I was so stiff by the time we got there I could hardly dismount. If I recall you weren’t much better.”

“I wasn’t. And Eir sent us to that huge, hairy masseur?”

“I swear he was half dwarf.” Thor said, slipping out of his pants. He took a moment to untangle them from his ankles.

“Be that as it may, remember how good it felt once he got his hands on you?”

Thor leaned over Loki and licked one pink nipple. He looked up. “Yes. I thought it was going to hurt. It didn’t.”

“It felt good.” Loki stated.

Thor nodded and licked Loki’s other nipple and watched it pebble. “It felt very good.” 

“Did it feel sexual?”

“No.” Thor paused in his licking to meet Loki’s eyes. “So that’s how this feels to you? Like that massage. Physically good, but not sexual?”

“Yes. Relaxing. Though I did not love our masseur. And this is more intimate.” Loki made a soft little sound as Thor resumed kissing down his belly. 

Thor lifted his head. “What if I were to suck your cock?”

“No!” Loki said sharply. He shook his head and worried his lower lip. “I was hurt there. I don’t wish to be reminded of it.”

Thor nodded and kissed the inside of Loki’s thighs. “Would it bother you if I licked your butt?”

Loki shook his head. “Not at all. Do you really want to?”

Thor’s answer was to raise Loki’s left leg, duck under it and then flip him on his belly. He then manhandled Loki onto his knees and shoulders.

Loki chuckled. “My big strong brother.” 

Thor paused again. Loki’s words had sent a spike of lust right to his groin. He grasped Loki’s lean hips and kissed each pale butt cheek, back and forth, working closer to the crevice. “So you still think of me as your brother.” Thor said.

“I never stopped.” Loki sighed. "I didn't think I was yours any longer."

"You will always be my brother." 

Thor nuzzled between Loki’s cheeks, found his furled entrance and kissed it. Loki made another little sound and tilted his butt higher in offering. Thor licked at the tight little opening, lapping and prodding with his tongue, pushing the tip in deeper and deeper. He sucked and kissed the rim, the tight muscle relaxed, softened, opening to him.

“Thor.” Loki whispered.

“Feel good?” Thor asked.

“Mmm hmm.” 

“Tell me.”

“Huh?” Loki said blinking his eyes open.

“Tell me how good it feels having your ass eaten.” Thor paused, kissed Loki’s asshole again. “Tell me Loki.”

“It feels good.” Loki said. “Your hands are strong on my hips, holding me in place. I feel anchored. Your beard tickles a little on my ass. Your lips are so soft. I like being kissed. Mmm. Like that. Kiss me again, brother.” Loki grinned at Thor’s harsh growl. It was nice having that kind of control over Thor. “I like when you put your tongue inside. It feels strange, but good. Wet and warm. Like you are claiming me.”

“I am.” Thor panted. He leaned back and surveyed his work. Loki’s hole was gleaming with spit, opening slighting with every deep breath. Thor took the oil from his nightstand and anointed his fingers and Loki’s soft rim. 

“You are mine.” Thor said and worked two finger’s into Loki’s ass. “Your asshole is mine.”

“For the moment.” Loki said. “You enjoying yourself?”

“What do you think?” Thor nudged his cock on the back of Loki’s thigh. He twisted his fingers in Loki’s hole pushing in to the knuckles and then pulling out and watching the slick rim contract.

Loki folded a fat pillow in half and put it under his hips. “I think that if you are going to continue playing with my ass for a while, I’m going to get comfortable.”

“Please do.” Thor said. “I may be some time. You have a very nice ass.”

Loki turned his head and gave Thor a measuring look. Thor grinned and patted his bottom. Loki nodded, pulled a second pillow under his head and closed his eyes. “Please yourself. But don’t be stingy with the lube.”

Thor did please himself. He massaged Loki’s back while he fingered his ass. He kissed the back of his thighs, and calves and the scarred soles of his feet. Loki murmured at each touch and Thor watched the tension drain out of his brother's body. When Loki lay limp, his breathing so slowed him might almost be asleep Thor moved back up between Loki’s spread legs and pressed his cock into the slick welcoming heat of Loki's ass. Loki hummed softly once Thor was fully inside and Thor rocked his hips. There was something intensely arousing about Loki’s casual offering of his body. It was trust, Thor decided. Loki wasn’t playing at being someone else. He was willing to show himself to Thor, to trust him with the truth. Every once in a while Loki’s eyes would flicker open, and he’d smile, moving his hips to the rhythm of Thor’s gentle thrusting.

Thor reached around to pet his nipples and rub his belly. Loki whimpered when Thor did the latter and he paused.

“No.” said Loki, “Please don’t stop. I like that.” His voice held a plaintive note and Thor went back to stroking Loki’s belly.

“I did this for you when we were boys and you had a bellyache.” Thor said.

“I know. Sometimes I lied to get you to do it.” Loki gave half a sob.

“What’s wrong, love?” 

“Everything.” Loki sobbed. “Everything. I loved you so much.”

“I’m here now, Loki.” 

Loki's crying should not have made his cock throb, but the vulnerability of of his show of emotion was driving Thor too close to the edge. Not wanting to cause Loki any further distress, he forced himself to stop, and began to pull away. 

“Thor!” Loki wailed. “Don’t leave me. Come back!” he reached back and his nails raked Thor’s thigh.

Confused, Thor settled over his brother and slid his cock back into Loki’s body. Loki calmed down, still crying but the frantic note was gone. Thor resumed his slow rocking and Loki responded, once again moving to Thor’s pace. Lost in the beauty of Loki's submission, his trust and his raw need, the muffled sound of his tears, Thor's release came quickly. A pulsing, shivering of his body that was a pale reflection of the awed reverence in his mind.

They lay together quietly. Loki was no longer crying, but his hand still rested on Thor's thigh as if he meant to hold his brother over him all night. Thor caressed Loki’s stomach from his ribs to his hips. He kissed the back of his neck. He could hear Loki whispering softly to himself. Thor strained to hear the words. They brought back memories of his boyhood. Of being woken in the middle of the night. Of Loki, teary eyed, crawling into his bed. Of Loki’s dark head tucked under his chin as he sang to his little brother, sang away the nightmares. 

_Little bunny in the snow_

_Hurry home you’ve far to go_

Thor joined in the lullaby and his tears pooled on Loki’s back.

_Mother’s cooking carrot stew_

_Father’s looking out for you_

_Brother’s chased the fox away_

_Come home bunny, home to stay_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hadn't intended to make Loki somewhere on the Ace spectrum, but here we are. If I've screwed it up, forgive me and put it done to his being an alien space Viking. I'm not sure if I should tag for it.


	17. Building bridges

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A meeting with Heimdall.

Their first priority was increasing the security of the realm. Frigga was working on shifting the palace shielding to cover the barracks and emergency shelters she was setting up throughout the city. Thor was overhauling the traditional mass ranked fighting strategy to a more flexible tactic which mixed troops, unmanned armored vehicles and air support. He’d seen how well the humans used their fighters and technology. To Loki’s amazement Thor was no longer wed to the idea of so called honorable battle, and was embracing more effective techniques. In accordance with this strategy, Loki was put in charge of repairing the Bifrost so the nine realms could once more be united. Asgard would not be able to meet this threat alone and as much as Loki hated the thought of forming a temporary alliance with Jötunheim, it stood to reason that even they would not approve of half their population being killed. 

Earth’s strength, Loki considered, his mind wandering as he reread the scant reports of the Bifrost’s creation, was a pleasant surprise, now that he was no longer attempting to subjugate it. Humans were innovative, intelligent, ruthless and astonishingly tough for people with little physical strength and tragically short lives. Their bravery was remarkable and their recklessness surpassed even his. That said, they were clannish to an extreme, given to infighting and prone to believe the most foolish things if it reinforced their own opinion of themselves.

Thanos had not thought them any threat, scattered by their cultures, their technology poor and individually weak. But Thanos had not seen two human females take down a Chitari warrior by hitting it with a vehicle and then the younger woman picking up its weapon to kill another warrior, while the elder herded a group of children to safety. Nor had he seen a half grown child pick up a chunk of building debris to smash into pulp the head of a downed, but still dangerous Chitari. You could overawe humans for a short time with a show of power and the threat of death. But it only took one of them rising up for the rest to follow like a tidal wave. Loki remembered that old man in Stuttgart, who’d looked him in the eye and faced certain death, but more he remembered all the others who had risen in the crowd as the old man spoke. If you could get them to work together, the humans would be a terrible force. He idly wondered what had become of the man. Hopefully he was still alive and being feted for his bravery.

Loki shook his head and returned to the record. He’d let Thor deal with Earth. Being susceptible to charisma was a vulnerability humans shared with the Aesir, and Thor had an overabundance of charm. Loki perused the text one last time, then lay the article on his desk and rubbed between his eyes. The Bifrost had been constructed in Bor’s era by Dwarven craftsmen and Vanir sorcerers. Both groups guarded their secrets closely and the few notes on how the rainbow bridge was built were written by observers. As such they were almost useless. There was only one answer to this problem. As much as he did not wish to, he would have to work with the Aesir most experienced with the Bifrost. He stood, stretched and gathered up his notes. It was time to confront Heimdall. 

…

Loki paused before stepping onto the Bifrost. He could see the Watcher poised on the edge of the drop off and for a moment considered how strong of a push he’d need to send him off into the abyss. Green fire flickered over his hands. He took a breath deep breath, calmed his anger and tamped down his magic. Asgard needed Heimdall and Heimdall’s knowledge too much for Loki to extract his revenge. 

Heimdall turned. “Prince Loki.”

“Heimdall.” 

They eyed each other warily. Loki decided his dispute with Heimdall could wait for the moment. 

“How goes the regeneration?” Loki called. 

“Slowly. Would you see for yourself?” 

It was inevitable that he would have to. Loki squared his shoulders and forced himself to step onto the bridge and walk toward Heimdall. He would not show weakness in the face of an enemy. Though he strode down center, the Bifrost seemed far too narrow. His heart raced as he moved closer to the splintered end. 

“What attempts at speeding the process have been made?” Loki asked, unclenching his jaw and keeping his voice level. 

“None.”

“None? Why not?” Loki jibed. “Surely you, who has wielded the power of the Bifrost for millennia, know above all others what needs to be done.” Anger was a release of sorts and far more acceptable then the fear that coiled in his belly.

Heimdall gave him a level look. “Have you a purpose to your visit?”

Loki’s mouth set in a hard line. “I am here to assess the situation and how best to repair the damage. It is vital we have access to the other realms, and they to us.”

“And your conclusion?”

“That without a power source it will take years for the Bifrost to be mended. My brother does nothing by halves.”

“No, he does not.”

Loki stepped closer and knelt as if to inspect the power glowing along the ragged edge. In truth his action was to cover his knees buckling at this, the place of his fall, the last moment of his innocence, before he knew how little he meant to the man he’d called father. Before he’d been eaten up and spat out by the void. Before Sanctuary.

Loki pressed his trembling hands on the cold surface of the Bifrost. He shut his eyes and took command of his body. He’d done this a thousand, thousand times, the simplest of meditation techniques to still his thoughts, to find his center. A beginner’s exercise routinely done prior to spellcasting. Slowing his breath, slowing his heart, letting his seidr gather and pool in the core of his being. But the surface of the pool was no longer tranquil and glassy, it seethed, unable to settle in a place so riven and scared. No quiet pond at all, instead a blasted boiling crater. Loki had both spoke the truth and lied when he told Thor he had not been raped. The Mad Titian had not bothered with his body, when he could do so much more damage, violating his soul. 

Loki swallowed and pushed those thoughts away. His magic was as untrustworthy as he was, he thought with a bitter chuckle, but it was all he had to work with. He sent it along the shattered edge of the Bifrost, tracing the pattern of its power. With his seidr merged with that of the rainbow bridge he could see where much of its energy was being diverted. It was feeding the abyss that still swirled beneath. If he could get a better look perhaps he could sever that connection. He narrowed his eyes and pulled his seidr from the bridge, to follow the streaming magic. There was a weakness, a flaw in the flow, partly down the sparkling current. If he leaned a little further forward he could grasp it. The weak spot glowed, only a few inches from his fingertips. He stretched out reaching for the gap with his seidr, with his fingers. Only a little more and he’d have it. He could see it swirling, dancing, spinning down and down, heard it singing let go, let go, let everything go...

Loki slammed onto the Bifrost, landing painfully on his rump a good thirty feet from the broken edge. Heimdall loomed over him, huge and threatening, his hands out as if to grasp him again. Loki surged to his feet, furious. 

“You dare?” He spat. ”You dare lay hands on me?”

“You were in danger of falling.” Heimdall said in his irritatingly calm voice.

Loki took a step forward, then shook his head. He could hear it now, the soft whispering of the void. Calling him, calling him to return, to return to nothingness. Voices that whispered and cajoled and lied.

“Your Highness?”

Heimdall’s low voice broke through the murmuring and it abruptly stopped. Only to be replaced with the sound of his own blood pounding in his ears.

“I have seen all I need to here.” Loki managed. He licked his lips, they felt cracked, his tongue thick and pasty and his mouth dry. He could feel sweat break cold on his skin, and was thankful for the glamour that hid his body’s reaction from Heimdall. “Let us return to the palace in order to discuss our strategy.” 

Loki spun on his heel and strode back to the shore, not bothering to check if the Watcher followed. His hands were clenched in fists to keep them from shaking. His stomach roiled and he pressed his lips together in a hard line to keep from disgracing himself in from of his enemy. By the time his feet where back on solid ground he had mastered his terror enough that he was no longer in danger of losing his breakfast. He was halfway to the palace before the buzzing in his ears stopped enough to hear the creak of Heimdall’s armor as the Watcher matched his hurried pace. He paused in the main hall, called over a clerk, took their pad of office, entered in a few lines and applied his fingertip. It was satisfying to see the golden badge of office appear and his words recorded as an official order. Thor had granted him full power over any and all things related to the Bifrost. There were a few enquiries from his brother he paused to look over. The first was to inform him of Thor’s progress and next two were asking for his opinion on strategic matters. He answered the first question and referred Thor to the armorers’ guild for the second. The last message was an invitation to lunch. Loki checked the time and turned it down. Already the pad was beginning to glitch from Loki’s magic and he handed it back to the clerk. Until he could get better control over his seidr he’d have to rely on others to handle the damn things. 

…

Heimdall was not loquacious, but Loki was not interested in wasting time in social customs and appreciated the Watcher’s focus on the present problem. They mapped out potential difficulties and possible strategies, over a simple meal of sandwiches and fruit accompanied by pale wine. At one point they both descended to the Vault and Loki removed the tesseract from its protective case so that Heimdall could better access its power. The Watcher refrained from handling the artifact itself, stating that Loki was better suited to wield its power.

“Though the energy are similar to the bifrost,” Heimdall said, “it is plain that you have an affinity for the space stone, which I lack.”

“Of course he would know what lay inside the Tesseract.” Loki thought, as he put it back into its case. “He may have been there when it was constructed. Or else he can see past its wards.”

They returned to the conference room and Loki walked over to the window and observed the scene below. The entrance to the Bifrost was already barricaded and on the damaged bridge itself a man and a woman in the garb of engineers were taking measurements and readings. Heimdall came up beside him as a barge flew up beside the bridge and dumped its load of metal beams onto the sparkling surface. 

“You would keep others from sharing your misfortune.” Heimdall said.

Loki paused before answering. “As boys Thor and I used to dare each other to jump from the Bifrost. Then there was only the danger of landing in the sea too close to the falls and being swept over the edge.”

“I am aware. If you recall I refrained from reporting your activities to the Allfather.” 

“I do.”

It was a good memory. The exhilaration of a heart beating wildly in fear tinged excitement as Thor dared him to jump. The joy of meeting the challenge and leaping off, rushing through the air to splash into the cool sparkling water. The physical pleasure of a hard swim against the current, racing Thor to the shore and back up the glassy bridge, barefoot and laughing. Thor grinning at him as they shoved and wrested only to break apart long enough to evade Heimdall's grasp and leap like salmon back into the sea. The game had continued throughout the afternoon, neither of willing to give up, until Loki's lesser stamina at last gave out and he was swept perilously close to the edge. Thor had grabbed his hand, held Loki as he fought against a current now too strong for even his budding strength. When all had seemed lost, a patrol boat rose over the edge and the guards pulled the struggling boys from the water. At the time Loki had thought it luck that the boat had happened by in the nick of time. It was only as an adult that it occurred to him that Heimdall had stationed the guards just out of sight and alerted them to rescue him and Thor before they were in any real danger. 

“I must wonder though, how many others have taken that plunge in a moment of despair? How many children have dared the ban and misjudged the distance or their own strength and didn't have a waiting boat to pull them to safety ?" 

“Odin believed Asgard was better off for those deaths. That disobedience and foolishness were best pruned from our people.” 

“What do you believe Watcher?”

“I believe I shall rest easier when your improvements are in place.” He turned to look at Loki with steady golden eyes. “I searched for you after you fell. You were hidden from my eyes, yet I never stopped. I believed the Queen, for she has never been given to delusion. That was why I saw you with the Chitari, right before the invasion of Earth.”

Loki turned on him with a curse. “Do you think that absolves you from treason?”

“I have never committed treason. I followed the Allfather’s orders in all I did.”

“You allowed us to go to Jötunheim when Odin had forbidden Thor to do so.”

“Thor was forbidden to go. I was not forbidden to send him. And I did wish to know how the Jötnar bypassed my gaze and entered our world. It was expected that you would keep him from folly.”

Loki’s brow furrowed. “Expected? By whom? Of course, it was a test. For Thor? Or for me? No, it was for us both, was it not? No wonder then that the guard was late fetching him. Odin already knew where we were before we took three steps into Jötunheim, didn’t he?”

Heimdall nodded. 

“And sending the idiots four to Earth was part of his plan too?” Loki snarled.

“No. Would you rather they had stayed on Asgard to foment unrest? I had received no orders that Thor was not allowed companionship during his banishment.” 

“A banishment you returned him from.”

“He had met the terms of his banishment. There was no further reason to keep him on Earth. And you, my Prince, had just brought King Laufey into Asgard, armed and assured that he would be allowed to slaughter the Allfather and claim his vengeance. I am sworn to protect Asgard.”

“I was regent and you opposed me before I brought them in.” Loki said. But his voice was calmer. “I had a plan and it was successful in spite of your treasonous opposition.”

“You relieved me of my post before I opposed you.”

“Which does not excuse you from your actions which followed.” Loki said, but the corners of his mouth twitched up. He was enjoying the verbal sparring. 

“No, it does not. But should you wish to peruse your grievance, Your Highness, I must be tried as a private man acting on the dictates of his conscience, and not as one who has betrayed his charge. I think you will find at the time, I had grounds for my suspicions and was acting in what I judged to be in the best interests of the realm.”

Loki laughed harshly. “Undoubtedly any Aesir council will see you innocent. But we both know your only reason for suspecting me, was because you knew what I was.”

“I did. I knew you were a man kept ignorant of his own people and taught to hate them. A man whose mind was in turmoil, thrust into a position of power. A man with every reason to betray those who had lied to and disparaged him. Why would you not turn to Jötunheim when Asgard had so thoroughly rejected you?”

“Why would think that of me?”

“It was what most would do in your place. You had already sent the Destroyer after your brother. You hid your actions on Jötunheim from me. How could I trust you with Asgard’s fate? I chose to error on the side of caution.”

“I,” Loki said with narrowed eyes, ”am not most people.”

“Obviously not.” Heimdall turned to watch a workman on the barge position a rail post on the edge of the Bifrost and clamp in into place.

Loki sighed and let go of his residual anger. It was hard to hold a grudge against the Watcher when it was his own action of bringing the Jötnar to Asgard in the first place which has set everything in motion. Though Heimdall's suspicions might have been based on a hunch, they were not groundless and Loki had to admit his reasoning was sound.

“If I may make a suggestion?” Heimdall said interrupting his thoughts.

“You may.”

“A net along the sea falls, in populated areas, would prevent more deaths.”

Loki nodded. He’d already considered something similar and sent the idea to the engineers for review, but there was no need to mention it to Heimdall. Fencing the edge of the world would be a vast undertaking and would have to wait until after they dealt with Thanos. However a smaller net, closer to shore, and as the Watcher suggested only by the towns, might be feasible for the present. He would add that recommendation when they were finished here..

“Now,” Loki said taking his seat and motioning Heimdall to a chair. “Concerning the bleed off of energy into the void, I think if we can reconfigure the Bifrost matrix along the edge, we may be able to stop the energy loss. It means we will have to stop the Bifrost regeneration process for a short time, however, now that we have the Tesseract we can easily make up the interval.” He took a sheaf of papers from his pocket dimension. They were only slightly charred on the edges. “If my calculation as are correct, we should be able to boost the regeneration rate by a factor of twenty.” 

Heimdall took the papers from Loki and looked over his numbers, adding a few notes in the margins. Loki poured himself a second glass of wine and sipped. 

Odin, it seemed, had used both he and Thor as a catspaw. Having raised them on tales of blood and honor and vengeance, trained them in contests and tried them in battle, their father knew Thor wouldn’t be satisfied with the answer that the invading Jötnar had paid with their lives. Just as Loki had known that pretending to talk reason with his angry brother would only goad him to action. Loki had expected them to be stopped at the Bifrost. He had planned it so Odin would arrive while Thor was having a temper tantrum, railing at Heimdall’s refusal to allow them passage. That way Odin could see how truly unfit Thor was for the throne. And Loki would be center stage, playing the role of the mature son, calmly trying to dissuade his brother from his folly, while his foolish friends stood helplessly by. He had not taken into account that Odin would allow Thor to go, believing that Loki could get Thor to stick to his avowed plan of gathering information. In doing so Odin had underestimated Thor’s temper and hatred of the Jötnar, and overestimated Loki’s ability to control him. 

Was it that embarrassment which caused him to banish Thor? Or was it the threat implicit in Thor’s angry outburst? Probably a combination of both, Loki concluded. His brother’s behavior showed he was no longer willing to be under Odin’s control. His banishment had been a way of showing Thor who really held the power in Asgard, regardless of who sat on the throne.

As for Loki? Well he has shown himself willing to gamble with Odin’s life to prevent war and, he had to admit, frame himself as his father and Asgard’s savior. Had he been in his right mind and not so desperate for the approval he would never get, he’d have taken Heimdall into his confidence and together they could have slain Laufey and his cohorts before they set foot on Asgard’s soil. Loki was fairly sure, in those circumstances Heimdall would have done no more than advise Loki to use the Bifrost to disable, rather than destroy Jötunheim. And had he been sane, he would have seen the wisdom of such counsel. It would have demonstrated Asgard’s power and restraint, and served as a lesson to the other realms why submitting to Asgard's rule, was a more intelligent choice than revolution. 

But hindsight was pointless. Whether he meant harm or not, Loki had endangered Odin, and that was the crime which the old man was not going to forgive. He didn’t mourn for the Jötnar Loki had slain, any more then he shed tears for those killed with Thor’s hammer. Nor did he care for the handful of humans Loki’s actions had sent to their death. Invading a realm Thor claimed for his own was only a continuation of the rivalry he had set up between his sons. As long as their fights were off world on such an unimportant place as Midgard he’d overlook them as he had in the past. It wasn’t the first time they had chosen opposite sides in some human battle to settle their differences. No. It was placing Odin at risk and aligning himself with another power that had frightened the old man so. 

Loki was pulled from his ruminating by the sound of Heimdall clearing his throat.

“I find most of your calculations are correct,” Heimdall said sliding the sheaf of papers toward Loki, “however you could not know how the pattern fluctuation is influenced by the upcoming planetary convergence."

Loki put down the empty wineglass and leaned forward, listening.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Though Heimdall is cutting it fine, Loki appreciates such rules lawyering. Its the kind of thing he would do, and now that Odin is dead there is no way to prove the truth of Heimdall's assertations. If it is the truth, it fits with Odin's manipulations it would explain why he was never called to account for his actions. If it is a lie, its a defendable one and the reasoning behind his actions is sound. Either way it means the man watching the entrance to Asgard is no fool. Loki would rather work with with an intelligent man, then a stupid one however loyal.


End file.
